Don't you hate it when you see someone with 0 replies right at the end of page 1 
 
Well it's a good effort, it sounds like you're kinda new, or at least more new than some here. I like the experimentation going on. 
You should really focus more on two or three really strong elements, and bring them up in your own stylized way. Right now things are a little preset-ish.
Use some distortion on the mid-range bass. Hi hats need to snappy, upfront. That double kickdrum effect is cool, but how about loosing it, after the breakdown.. it chews up space. But then you don't have much sub going on so it's not really a concern.
are you using Fruity?
if you disagree or don't know what I mean just ask