dont even reply

rotten87 · Post by **rotten87** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:20 am

http://www.dontevenreply.com/index.php

"What is this?
This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. These are the ones that succeeded."

some of them are fcking awesome

devonport_steppas · Post by **devonport_steppas** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:19 pm

Pistonsbeneath · Post by **Pistonsbeneath** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:23 pm

ROFL

Original ad:
selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

Hello,

Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn't even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can't blame them.

We can't bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

E-mail me back and we'll set up a time.

- Mike

From derek ******* to Me

what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

There's no denying it. I've got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

Maybe you were drunk and didn't remember? That doesn't make you any less guilty.

From derek ******* to Me

are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

From derek ******* to Me

yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

From derek ******* to Me

no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

Why would you be sorry if you didn't do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids.

Pistonsbeneath · Post by **Pistonsbeneath** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:11 pm

Original ad:
i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

Hey there!

I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:

- The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours.
- Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.
- The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.
- The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.
- Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.
- There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.
- There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though.
- I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.

Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.

I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.

Thanks,

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?

From Mike Anderson to joey ********
Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.

karmacazee · Post by **karmacazee** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:18 pm

"Here's what I am willing to do. You style my pubes, and I'll accept $40 cash instead of $50. You can even donate my pubes to those people with cancer who need hair, if you want."

Gold.

And the car one is superb:

EDIT: ^^^ beat me to it!

rotten87 · Post by **rotten87** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:54 pm

Original ad:
i saw you outside market east station. you were getting into a red ford truck. i was wearing a yellow shirt and had dirty blonde hair. our eyes met and we smiled. i hope you find me so we can meet up

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org
That was me. I don't know why you thought we had a moment. I was smiling because of how disgustingly fat you were. I was trying to hold back laughter as I got into my truck. When I got in I just fucking lost it. Dirty blonde hair? Try dirty, grease-soaked hair.

From Chelsea ******** to Me

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

casso · Post by **casso** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:19 pm

Bahahaha, these are hilarious.

slackbastard · Post by **slackbastard** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:58 pm

YES,after a shit day at work this has made my day!

trap · Post by **trap** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:06 pm

Some of these are cracking!

bass hertz · Post by **bass hertz** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:13 pm

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

:gold:

fork · Post by **fork** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:44 pm

Hahaha, these are brilliant

bass_culture · Post by **bass_culture** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:39 pm

Original ad:
26 year old female who loves music looking for friendly male concert buddy.

i have tickets to see STS9 tomorrow night and am looking for someone to go with me to see them. you must be 420 friendly!
From Timmy Tucker to ***********@***********.org

Dear potential concert buddy,

I saw your ad and am very interested. I love music. About myself, I am a 25-year-old music loving male. I see all kinds of concerts and would love to check out STS9, I'm not quite sure what kind of music that is.

I am not sure what you mean by 420 friendly, however. Do you live near route 420? That isn't a problem for me, since it is kind of on the way to Philly anyway. Email me back if you want to go to the show with me.

Thank you,

Tim

From Stacey ***** to Me

hi tim. i wasn't talking about route 420...you have to be "cool" if you know what I mean.

stacey

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****

Stacey,

Glad to hear back from you! Unfortunately I am a little confused. I am cool, at least my mother and co-workers say so. So if you want someone who is cool, I am your guy!

Tim

From Stacey ***** to Me

no i dont think you get me. you need to be down with the chronic lol. ya get me?

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****

Stacey,

Are you talking about Dr. Dre's album The Chronic? I love hip hop! Is that what kind of music STS9 is? I assure you that I am "down" with that album. You can play it in the car on the way to the show if you like.

Tim

From Stacey ***** to Me

um no...ok i dont think you are the type person i want to go to the concert with no offense

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****

Stacey,

I'm not sure why you suddenly decided not to go to the concert with me. I am kind of disappointed, because I just bought an ounce of headies and was looking for someone else to smoke it with. My other friend has tickets to go see bisco in Baltimore so I guess I'll just go with him.

Sorry we couldn't be friends,

Tim

From Stacey ***** to Me

wtf are you fucking serious? why were you being so dense about the 420 thing! and wtf you are seeing bisco but you never heard of sts9?

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****

I'm not sure what you mean about the "420 thing." What are you talking about?

From Stacey ***** to Me

ugh nvm

aftee · Post by **aftee** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:21 am

Rotten87 wrote: Original ad:
i saw you outside market east station. you were getting into a red ford truck. i was wearing a yellow shirt and had dirty blonde hair. our eyes met and we smiled. i hope you find me so we can meet up

From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org
That was me. I don't know why you thought we had a moment. I was smiling because of how disgustingly fat you were. I was trying to hold back laughter as I got into my truck. When I got in I just fucking lost it. Dirty blonde hair? Try dirty, grease-soaked hair.

From Chelsea ******** to Me

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

o thats hilarious

I found the dog-watching one quite funny aswell.

"tyrone be great with dogs. he loves em so much and will care the shit out of them."

dubsteptim · Post by **dubsteptim** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:35 pm

lol this site is great. i read thru in one sitting & sent it to my wife who did the same.

the acid never lies · Post by **the acid never lies** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:31 pm

Amazing! Genuinely laaarfing my flippin head off

bass hertz · Post by **bass hertz** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:32 pm

ohh man. I read the whole archive. my side is killing me from laughing.

this one actually made me almost shit on myself.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=32#comment

anyone got more sites like these (i know im setting myself up with this question)

carlyx · Post by **carlyx** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:35 pm

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=6

Ha

firky · Post by **firky** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:45 pm

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg

dont even reply

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