an open letter

[scorcha]

this sucks man...i'm worrying over here...has anyone heard from deadly habit?

[steppo]

chin up deadly

we <3 u

no homo

[deadly_habit]

i'm alive
and this is mainly due to a girl reverting me back to a person i hate
not being able to make any tunes atm is an issue as well heh
oh well back into counseling

[grooki]

[jsilver]

hey i was a bit shocked to read this but glad to see that your ok man

take it easy

[alphacat]

i'm alive
and this is mainly due to a girl reverting me back to a person i hate
not being able to make any tunes atm is an issue as well heh
oh well back into counseling

I let a girl get inside my head like that once - thought I was indestructable, but she slowly & surely drained the life outta me over the course of a couple years. I stopped making music altogether for about 6 months at the end of the relationship, then we broke up... was bummed about it for about 5 minutes, and then everything started thawing out - the music came back with a vengeance - and I resolved never to let that happen again. Life is better than ever for me now.

Watch out for yourself. It's easy to get suckered into these things when it's served up with a cute face and a pair of tits.

Oh, and I dunno if this would work for you or not but listening to Bad Brains' "Sailin' On" about 30 times in a row while singing along made me feel much better, more empowered.

[daft cunt]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad.

My advice : get a shrink. Depression comes from not being able to see things how they really are - yourself included. A good shrink will help sorting it out.

This + c&d's advice on page 1.

[deadly_habit]

i'm alive
and this is mainly due to a girl reverting me back to a person i hate
not being able to make any tunes atm is an issue as well heh
oh well back into counseling

I let a girl get inside my head like that once - thought I was indestructable, but she slowly & surely drained the life outta me over the course of a couple years. I stopped making music altogether for about 6 months at the end of the relationship, then we broke up... was bummed about it for about 5 minutes, and then everything started thawing out - the music came back with a vengeance - and I resolved never to let that happen again. Life is better than ever for me now.

Watch out for yourself. It's easy to get suckered into these things when it's served up with a cute face and a pair of tits.

Oh, and I dunno if this would work for you or not but listening to Bad Brains' "Sailin' On" about 30 times in a row while singing along made me feel much better, more empowered.

well this isn't the first time she's done this to me, last time it took me a few years to get over it this time when sober i'm fine about it for most part, just when i drink and get to thinking i get miserable again. i was in counseling before for ptsd and such and resolved a shit load, just this set me back, and this shit always seems to happen when everything else is going good. tend to have a habit of self sabotage when things go wrong and i'm not in counseling. i dunno i'm chin up somewhat distracted by work and things going good with that, plus friends looking out for me. i just need this fucking computer to work right again so i can have my main outlet, music, back again.

[nitz]

Whats the this stuff i read yesterday on my ipod!

DH wants to die!

don't be silly mate, come on now the amount of info here was great its and of course as you can see lots of people give a shit about you or they would have not said anything !

You will be loved and cared for (Y)

and best adive was the prof help advice tho, but as i have read you have all ready been counseling.

Life is to short and valuable to lose! make the most of it. Everyone has really bad times and everyone was has really good times its just something that happens! which we can not have much control over.

How are things getting along now ? is everything ok

[wormcode]

Help out or spend some time with people worse off than you, always helps put things into perspective.
But i'm not really one to talk I guess..

[ianks]

shit man if you think drinking is playing a big part in it, try out AA. damn cheaper than counseling (free as opposed to like $100/hour) and it did more for me than years of counseling ever did. based more on action than talking.i know it has a pretty odd image and it is def. the last place anybody wants to be, but it sure has turned my life around 100%, and my musical abilities/ expression have increased immeasurably. give it a shot man, cant hurt right? maybe drugs/alcohol play no part with you so sorry if it doesn't concern you...

love+light

[nomadjames]

Keep it together man, hit me up whenever if you need to talk.

[xparameterx]

Shit on a stick man. Maybe a story of my own will make you feel not so alone? Long story short, my girl of 3 and half years just moved 100 miles away, transferred schools, quit her job, and moved in with her family, all after signing a year long lease two months ago and selling my car. So now I have no car, no girl, and can't afford rent, yay! I think there is one lesson to be learned here, and its funny cause I learned this at a very young age but haven't stayed true to it. That is, be good to yourself mate. You know whats best for you, you'll always be there for yourself, and no matter what you can only lie to yourself for so long. I respect your skills and advice as a producer. Trust me, I've thought about folding my hand way to many times. A lot of days I wake up I'm just like "fuck it, this isn't worth it". And then, in my darkest moments, booooooooom baby, fuckin' music never lets me down. I suggest going and getting your face melted off to some subsonic wub wub, and at that point, to me at least, everything makes sense again and I get through it alright. Hope this helps, it's been good to get this off my chest. Now quitcherbitchin and go make some tunes sucka!

[MimikOctopus]

shit man if you think drinking is playing a big part in it, try out AA. damn cheaper than counseling (free as opposed to like $100/hour) and it did more for me than years of counseling ever did. based more on action than talking.i know it has a pretty odd image and it is def. the last place anybody wants to be, but it sure has turned my life around 100%, and my musical abilities/ expression have increased immeasurably. give it a shot man, cant hurt right? maybe drugs/alcohol play no part with you so sorry if it doesn't concern you...

love+light

Eh, I don't really openly talk about this much. But I can relate man, trust me. In mid 2007 I reconnected with an old friend of mine, her and I had kind of a thing. Eventually I moved 150 miles to be closer to her, and we planned on getting married. I decided I didn't want to just move for a gal, and went back to school. She had a genetic disease that ended up killing both her kidneys, she was the recipient of a transplant, and all was well for a few months. She didn't take care of some things she should have (she was supposed to have blood drawn every 3 weeks so her transplant team could monitor her condition and adjust medication etc) and ended up losing the transplant.

Overnight the woman that I fell in love with died. She became very difficult to deal with, and was very abusive verbally. She treated me like total shit, and I stood by her side because I loved her, and hoped that we could get her another transplant and her loving being would return with health. She also had 2 children, I became the closest thing to these kids would ever have as a father.

She basically gave up, she hated life, was angry all the time, and pushed my buttons to the point of furious rage on a daily basis. I was a full time student, working as a full time intern, and cared for her and her 2 children. I began to drink pretty heavily because I could not handle the stress. I was pulling 20 hour days, I took care of all her shopping, was present at every doctor visit, and stayed in the waiting room for all her surgeries. I also got her kids ready in the mornings and took them to school. It was a very stressful time. Around mid June she became even more ill (over the course of about a year she slowly died a horrible unhappy and painful death). After years of taking immuno suppressants she was attacked by a pretty major infection in her heart. Part of the infection broke off of her heart and went into her brain, causing a series of "mini strokes". She had open heart surgery to replace 2 valves in her heart and cut out as much of the infection as was possible. She was put on daily IV antibiotics to take care of the rest.

The antibiotics proved futile and after about 2 weeks the infection grew around the valves that were replaced and she began to pump blood directly into her lungs. She was helicoptered out to a major hospital to have her lungs cleared and the valve replacement surgery repeated. At some time in the morning of July 26th 2008 she suffered a MASSIVE stroke during the operation. Her brain activity went to minimal, and she would never recover. She had almost no contact with her family, and they had no idea what to do, so they gave me the right to make a decision. At 5:27pm on July 27th 2008 I ordered her life support to be removed and she passed away.

What does this have to do with anything? A few days earlier I got let go from my internship where I was repeatedly promised a job, my fiancee died, and I ran out of loan money and had to move back in with my parents. I had spent so much time taking care of her and her children that when I got home my life simply stopped. I didn't know what to do with myself, I was broken, and became content with just drinking myself to death. This went on for about 6 months, and I'm talking about drinking a pint of vodka when I woke up, and then drank beer for most of the day. Most times I would wake up on the floor and have no idea what time it was or anything. I ended up going out with an old friend one night, had a few drinks and some ambien. I remember her calling to say she was on her way to pick me up, and then I woke up in the ER with severe gashes in my face, a crushed knee cap, and monster cut on my arm.

The next day I went into rehab, and began going to daily AA meetings. Tuesday marked my 11 month anniversary of being sober. AA saved my life, I met tons of people I could relate to, began to heal my emotional wounds, and my health started to return. And the greatest gift I received was that I found that my life was worth living. Try council or substance abuse program. They say that religious people are afraid of hell, addicts and alcoholics have already been there. Learn to appreciate small things, stay away from sexual relationships for a while. If you choose to check out AA, remember this is a program that is not for people who need it, but for people who are willing to do it. I carried a lot of pain around for a long time, I couldn't even answer the question "when was the last time you were happy?" because I had no frame of reference.

After all that hellish nightmare I lived through I can honestly say I am happy today. Sure things could be better, I miss my girl, but I am not in control of the universe, I cannot change my past, but I can work to make sure I don't repeat my previous mistakes. I don't apologize for who and what I am, and have plenty to look forward to. For me I have music, and more importantly have decided to go back to school to become a doctor. I was not able to help April, but perhaps I can help someone else. Hopefully you'll find something in my story that will help, feel free to hit me up via PMs here, and if you like I can give you any number of ways to contact me. I wish you luck, just remember that each day is it's own day, and that even if you're unhappy today, that doesn't mean there is no possibility of being happy tomorrow. All of this is easier said than done, but I've seen the miracle of people turning their lives around more times than I can count. Hell, I'm a miracle myself, I went from being a worthless drunk on an express elevator to death and hell to a respectable happy person in the course of a year. My life isn't perfect, but I appreciate even the smallest things. Like being on time to class, being reliable, and I also realized that I am capable of loving again. I found an amazing woman, and we have a great relationship.

Sorry for the rambling nonsense, but stuff like this hits close to home, and to see/hear someone else going through it really makes my heart ache, but it can get better with some work. Keep your chin up!

[Disco Nutter]

Wow... what a story to tell!

Thanks for sharing that,
I wish you all the best!

Jason

[gnome]

Very encouraging story!

[86.]

very powerful story. glad you made it through!

[JFK]

Inspiring story man.

[MimikOctopus]

Thanks for the kind words, but in regard to the OP, the point I was trying to make is that people are cut from pretty stern stuff. And despite how bad things may get, there is always something you can do about it. And that no matter how low you feel, it's possible to bounce back. Find a support group, you can find one online, which is ok, but I personally would attend a meeting or something. You'll find that people who have gotten over their problems years ago still attend meetings. These are the people you need to meet, and speak to. They have figured out how to deal with their problem, and can give you advice or even some inspiration to help you with your own problem.

I wish you the best of luck man, keep yourself surrounded by good friends, the last thing you want is to be alone and living in your own head. Find some activities to just keep yourself busy. With any problem such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc. getting started is the hardest thing to do. Perhaps even see a doctor and discuss your feelings/symptoms. There are medications that can kind of give you a short term boost so that your problems don't overwhelm you, and then you can deal with things on your own terms.

Feel free to contact me at any time, I've dealt with 20+ years of depression and substance abuse, and because sobriety/happiness was handed to me for free, I cannot keep it if I don't give it away. You made the first step in voicing your issue, now you need to get to the root of the problem, and then you can work to accept it and move on. Some things can weigh a person down for a lifetime. You need to get it off your back and then you will be free from self bondage and can work on making your current life better.

[evil madmen]

If this lady is making you miserable, and Ive seen several of your posts saying how you dont really like her that much, then why are you with her?