shit jokes

indi · Post by **indi** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 3:05 am

What's blue and tastes like green paint?

Blue paint.

What big, green, has four legs and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

pangaea · Post by **pangaea** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 4:51 am

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

I love shit jokes, they make me laugh a lot. Especially nonsensical ones made up by kids. Eg:

Q. What did the big ice-cream cone say to the little ice-cream cone?
A. 'Fuck off'

adruu · Post by **adruu** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 6:01 am

a blind man walks into a bar. someone polite guides him to a bench. a bartender asks him what he wants, and he says a "club soda and gin on the rocks please"

after a couple minutes of silence, the blind man feels uncomfortable and speaks up and asks, " Do you guys want to hear a blonde joke?"

nobody speaks for a minute, and eventually the bartender says --

"Well...before you tell that joke, i've got to warn you. the bouncer, she's ex-military, just back from iraq, a couple of medals for bravery, and she's blonde."

She continues,
"The girl that brought you to your stool, she's a black belt. She works security at a local bank, and she's blonde also. Me, i was the 2000 weight lifting champion and i'm blonde also..."

"are you sure you still want to tell the joke?"

the blind man pauses for a second, slams his beer down, and says

"no, that's o.k., i dont want to have to explain it three times..."

shonky · Post by **shonky** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 8:55 am

Heard the one about the Gestapo officer?

(Slaps face)

LIAR!!!!!!!

diss · Post by **diss** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:58 am

A Dyslexic Pimp walks into a warehouse.

paolo · Post by **paolo** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:28 pm

i got my girlfriend a handbag and a dildo for christmas. if she doesn't like the handbag she can go and fuck herself

what's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

a drug dealer can't wipe his crack clean and sell it again

emcee child · Post by **emcee child** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:50 pm

paolo wrote:i got my girlfriend a handbag and a dildo for christmas. if she doesn't like the handbag she can go and fuck herself

what's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

a drug dealer can't wipe his crack clean and sell it again

2 cows were in a field.
the first cow looked up from chewing the cud and let out a deep "MOooOooo"
the second cow looked at her and said " you bitch, I was gonna say that".

sand leaper · Post by **sand leaper** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:43 pm

paolo wrote:i got my girlfriend a handbag and a dildo for christmas. if she doesn't like the handbag she can go and fuck herself

Too right.

*decibella~~ · Post by *decibella~~ » Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:28 pm

a gas man walks upto a house and rings the doorbell

a boy answers the door in stockings, high heels and a wig, smoking a spliff

he askes the boy 'is your mum in pls?'

the boy says 'does it fucking look like it mate?!?'

ramadanman · Post by **ramadanman** » Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:41 pm

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a banana.

:bam:

kion · Post by **kion** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 12:02 am

why did the transvestite fall over?

he slipped on a pettycoat

Jubz · Post by **Jubz** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:31 am

Whats blue and fucks grannies?

Me in my special blue coat.

subframe · Post by **subframe** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:43 am

this horse walks into a bar.

the bartender sez:

"why the long face?"

indi · Post by **indi** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:36 am

What's the different between pink and purple?

The grip.

paolo · Post by **paolo** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:40 am

how can you tell when your sister's on her period?

your dad's cock tastes funny

shit jokes

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