Hilarious Pain Thread

[cosmic_surgeon]

Worst pain ever? Gotta say the toothache I endured 2 months or so ago when a tooth cavity I ignored rotted to the nerve was pretty special, up all night in profound agony business - followed up with a visit to the emergency dentist the day after to get a splendid root canal, was a 24 hours I won't forget.

Just smashed my face running up the stairs to my bedroom too, ringing ears and bloody tissues. Score.

Anyone else got tales of calamity to share?

[helix]

I have sinus pressure so bad, when I run I feel it in my molars, when I look down, my entire face hurts, and to top it off, I hock up massive globs of snot on the daily.

[Neurotik]

Aha
Bought one of those stand up vacuums once and was a pain in the arse to put together and eventually i got pissed off trying to clip the top handle thing on the vacuum so i slammed it down on the floor..and that's when it chooses to snap shut properly with half the skin on one of my fingers inbetween it.
Excrutiating pain but my roomate was in histerics.

One day i was in one of my hyper moods and decided it would be a great idea to stand on one end of an armchair and jump across the living room to the sofa on the other side. Obviously the force of me jumping up from one of the arms pushed the other side of the chair upwards so the other arm clipped my feet as i jumped before i landed [all of my body at exactly the same time] smack on the floor. Excrutiating pain but my roomate was in histerics.

Was broken into once and my smart reaction was to stab the door with a knife, the knife hit the wall on the other side of the door and my hand slid up the blade cutting the tendon on one of my fingers ...Wasn't much pain just disbelief because it was quite discusting, i remember following my roomate around showing it and commenting on all the random insides of my finger i could see (was funny but wasn't really meant to be, i was just panicking).

[minifletch]

Back in my skateboarding days there was this huuuuuge down hill road leading up to a car park, vertical as fuck and me and my mates used to sit on our boards n go down.

But one day my dumbarse self just had to go n stand up n ride down it, got some serious speed on the thing, got to the bottom where there was loads of gravel, board came to a dramatic stop, I went flying forward and all my weight went to my right knee and I slid on it for a few seconds.

Got up, thought everything was hunky dory till someone pointed out that I'd ripped my jeans and there was some blood coming out, lifted the ripped jeans up and my whole kneecap was shredded lol, the thing looked like cat food, tore the skin off so all you could see was dirty flesh

Now I'm left with a huge scar on my kneecap

[minifletch]

Aha
Bought one of those stand up vacuums once and was a pain in the arse to put together and eventually i got pissed off trying to clip the top handle thing on the vacuum so i slammed it down on the floor..and that's when it chooses to snap shut properly with half the skin on one of my fingers inbetween it.
Excrutiating pain but my roomate was in histerics.

That would have pissed me off so much lol.

[luthervandub]

Worst pain?

Deep Heat on your balls

Lock thread

[Plasmic aka Hanlo]

I set my balls on fire last satuday for my birthday. Last year the morning after a big night, I was getting the excess water off a recently washed cup by shaking it profusely. It shattered in my hand and sliced the top of my index finger off hanging by a little piece of skin, ohhhh shiiiizzzle!!

[WhosZena]

Having 3 molars knocked out, awake.
Holding a tissue wile putting my hand in a fire.
Nothing too bad, and thats how I intend it to stay. Fuck giving birth..

[laurent__duval]

being in a car crash and ripping the skin off that back of your head and left hand wyhen the car flips on its roof and slides down the road and you're over the sunroof. not that pain where it just knocks you out like my mates, lucky bastards.

[nicenice]

Spilling boiling water on my hands, twice. Rubbing deepheat & vicks around my bell and balls, . Having the roof of a car smashed into the back of my head and my face going straight into the dashboard, although it was fine after 10 minutes when they gave me some painkillers. Accidentally stepping on a wasps nests. Theres probably more I have a habit for hurting myself.

[laurent__duval]

treading on a plug or lego is pretty bad.

[Y_H]

Crippled neck for a week.
Worst pain i have ever experienced.
Where you cant move your head/neck so you have to keep it too one side, if it moves a slight bit you get the worst pain ever shoot up your neck, and lasts for about a week or maybe more. So im walking around looking like a cripple with my head fixed in one position walking really slowly, that was the only funny bit. Trying to sleep is horrible...
This had happened like 4 times, worst pain ever trust!!
anyone else had it?

[antistar_133]

Crippled neck for a week.
Worst pain i have ever experienced.
Where you cant move your head/neck so you have to keep it too one side, if it moves a slight bit you get the worst pain ever shoot up your neck, and lasts for about a week or maybe more. So im walking around looking like a cripple with my head fixed in one position walking really slowly, that was the only funny bit. Trying to sleep is horrible...
This had happened like 4 times, worst pain ever trust!!
anyone else had it?

yeah, used to play rugby, went for a tackle but ended up putting my head to the wrong side, it went straight into the other guys hip and compressed my neck. had the exact same thing for about a week!

put a screwdriver through my hand as a child when i was trying to put a hole in a conker, not painful as i dont think i hit a single nerve, but still pretty fucking scary.

[Ennayess]

corner of a unit

[grimesceneinvestigation]

i prefer a bit of physical pain over emotional any time of the day.

[elibomyekip]

Having irritable bowel syndrome I get some ludicrously painful gut aches when I eat a dodgy meat feast pizza from the local pizza places.
But worse was having norovirus. Combined with IBS it amounted to 2 days of lying in agony and not moving a muscle except for when you had to puke and shit (at the same time)
Felt bad man

[laurent__duval]

Having irritable bowel syndrome I get some ludicrously painful gut aches when I eat a dodgy meat feast pizza from the local pizza places.
But worse was having norovirus.
Felt bad man

norovirus was shit. dont know if it was painful but it sucked balls. i got it in the car on the way to the airport and then had an 8 hour flight. not good. havent got IBS though, so it probably wasnt as bad.

[hayze99]

Stubbing your toe on something sharp has to have the worst awesomeness/pain ratio ever.

[helix]

although it was fine after 10 minutes when they gave me some painkillers.

Nice.

[BLAHBLAHJAH]

Worst pain 2009 new years eve when I stole someones wheeled BBQ and tried to take it home (about a mile journey) through Nottingham. Took a shortcut through the forest fields park, only to discover the most beautiful pile of leafs my drug-influenced eyes had seen ina long time, so I prepped the BBQ next to them, ran at it and did a front flip off the BBQ but as I made contact with it the spindly wheels buckled so threw me off course. I ended up rolling about 15 metres down hill and finally boshin my skull on some lousy lampost

"LADS ARE OUT!"

But fuck y'all haters that never had wasted fun. Miserable sods!

Addition!

New years eve 2005
Just seen the dumpest film: "Bruce Lee fights back from the grave"
He got ripped off by a taxi driver so did a brutal spin kick through the car window into the driver's face
I tried to copy it in the streets of this turd little village (thugs on tour!)
Victory!
But proper hacked my leg up, about 3" long and in through the muscle etc, was snowing too, leaving a big ol' trail o' blood
Anyway my mate's mum had to take me to the hospital. They hated me there cos I was drunk and wounded
Worst pain was when they'd stitched it all up and I left, but got travel sick on the way home and had to stop at a bus stop to vomit. Sadly the peeling-curling action of fruitful vomiting resulted in popping out all the stitches in m leg and the skin ripping more, protty grotty. Did a token vom consequently