Why am I always the one who...

[wubstep]

Yeah, already taken the promo route, started a photographic 'residency' of sorts for The Croft over the next few weeks. I'll be the short one with long hair awkwardly trying to navigate around with a camera.

[belalala]

man, you sound exactly like my boyfriend. he's belarusian, moved here at age 8. didn't speak very good english or connect with other american kids until middle school, although you could say in a way that he hasn't really connected with too many people on a deep level. i would assume ukrainian and belarusian social culture is fairly similar.... he is in a constant struggle to get americans to be proactive socially, to enjoy conversation and dinner parties and gatherings where it's a feeling of togetherness rather than beer pong or what have you. he's russian so of course drinking is a huge part of his culture, but it's just in a different way than most people approach it here. it goes beyond going out on the weekends too--- he has a sarcastic tongue, loves giving people shit and isn't afraid to be honest. it seems like no one knows how to handle it, because i presume so many american kids were coddled and told that they were amazing and perfect and should be nice to everyone even if it means talking shit behind their backs. because he's more upfront, people find it hard to connect and in some ways feel they can't trust what he's thinking... pretty ironic considering he lays himself out on the table rather than so many others who project a persona and hide what they're really thinking. even i sometimes am taken aback by some of the things he says or does, and i'm not fully american (mommy is argentine) and have been dating him for a year and a half. every time, though, i realize it's me who's stuck on sensitivity or some desire for false harmony... just goes to show how much social structure where you grow up can affect your perspective.

he's always connected more with europeans and slavs, shit sometimes even latin americans, it just seems to be an american thing for him. he still hasn't found a solution so i duno what to tell you man--you're definitely not the only one though.

[sixamsedna]

Not finding like minded people is something thing most people can relate to in some way, especially if moving to new places.

But sixamsedna, you put a really long post about how you are better than everyone else and how people don't initiate meeting up with you and asked if it is your fault.....from the length of post and then your following lack of humor an option that is worth considering might be that you aren't all that much fun to hang out with.

Well I am glad that you have decided to write something of a bit of substance. I just hope it was genuine. In response to what you say, when I wrote the long post it was meant to be taken seriously, so I wrote it that way. Had inserted a bunch of "LMAO's" and "ROFLS" in there, I wouldn't be taken as seriously as I would have liked.

Though I really need to disagree with you on being called "boring" and "not fun" - to this, I ask YOU a question... how do you get a chance to illustrate that when you don't even GET that chance? That's the problem, you see. Whenever I meet people, I'm actually the person who's trying to "make something happen" - whether I have JUST met that person or whether I already know the people, but then how do you get to "open up" - when most people are passive like that? To me, I would rather be DENIED a contact exchange rather than get a phone number or an e-mail that means absolutely NOTHING, that's passed off without thought. That's the point of a contact exchange, to make new acquaintances, to make new friends. How many people have you met, honestly, that give you their phone number and you either never call them or they never do, making that contact exchange meaningless.

You see what I'm getting at. When you meet people, if you have no desire to 'get to know them' - why are you even giving away your contact info. When they do so, and when I try to "do stuff" - they all say "yeah lets do it" - I tell that person the details, and I either never hear back, or they make a false promise.

Second. I have a friend who I have also met back in 2006, we hit it off like the same day we met in class. I mean, same taste in movies, same sport, same style of humor - I mean we crack up when we're together. We're fucking more fun than anyone in the entire room or vicinity because we feed off of each other and make others laugh. We've been friends for 5 years now. Throughout that time, I have been basically the one who made the plans and got us out to do things, and everytime we had fun. Unfortunately, this same person - returned the favor, as many times as I could count fingers on one hand. And we got to know each other fairly well, we enjoy each other's company. So how do you explain that. What gives to be so passive even with the best of your friends?

I think it's a trait, a 'genetic disease' of some kind that a lot of people are "sick with". It's the "passive generation" is what it is. That's all it is. I'm not even a leader all that much, I don't like to be one...but It's almost as if I have NO CHOICE but to be one, because most people are just lazy fucks, who are waiting for some shit to pop off. And guess what - I'm the guy who's always poppin' that shit

[RandomEyez]

i know other people arent easy all the time, but you gotta keep looking for people that will spend time with you.
theres no point lashing out and calling others boring, simply because they do certain things
i understand your frustration but dont let it feed anger cos that just wont help anything, just be positive and keep out there
and maybe look at yourself aswell, not in the way that some guy joked about you boring, but maybe you are looking in the wrong places to meet people, maybe you are going about it the wrong way, when like minded people are probably just round the corner. and your post did have quite a tone of superiority, maybe cut down on that

Don't have time to type out the reply I had in mind but feel this kinda sums up what i'd like to say.

People generally like to be around people who are positive and fun so try and be that way and don't let this shit get you down. And maybe try meeting people through other methods if the way you go about it now doesn't work.

And before gettin too worked up over this, purchase one of these and use it daily :



Just in case the cause of this is something a lot more trivial!!

[dubmatters]

I went through a stage like this...

Wondering why I'd spent a lot of time and effort calling mates up and organising parties etc. When the favour wasn't often returned.

Stop trying so hard.



Its not really very important.

Also, stop trying to be this likeable busybody, just be yourself and people will like you for who you are.

[particle-jim]

I struggle with the whole making friends and connecting with people thing due to the fact that I am, in my friend mike's words, "a social leper". I'm basically the opposite of OP in that it's my own fault that I dont make as many proper friends as I could or that I'm not as close to some of my friends as I should be, as I hang with quite a large social group but it almost feels as if a lot of them are friends by association, even though we've all known each other for years. I can count on one hand the number of people I can properly talk on a good level without freaking out or having to vet what I say before I say it, I would however need at least 5 arms to be able to count the people I hang out with on a regular basis... It's weird, it's like I don't have enough confidence or self-esteem to talk to my own friends, therefore I'm fucked for making new ones. The past couple of weeks I've pretty much been a total recluse and the only people I've really hung out with are my brother and his friend Joe.

That's quite enough self pity anyways... I guess i just gotta grow a pair and actually make an effort to talk to people... coz that won't at all be awkward

I shall draw upon courage wolf for inspiration

[ahier]

Not finding like minded people is something thing most people can relate to in some way, especially if moving to new places.

But sixamsedna, you put a really long post about how you are better than everyone else and how people don't initiate meeting up with you and asked if it is your fault.....from the length of post and then your following lack of humor an option that is worth considering might be that you aren't all that much fun to hang out with.

Well I am glad that you have decided to write something of a bit of substance. I just hope it was genuine. In response to what you say, when I wrote the long post it was meant to be taken seriously, so I wrote it that way. Had inserted a bunch of "LMAO's" and "ROFLS" in there, I wouldn't be taken as seriously as I would have liked.

Though I really need to disagree with you on being called "boring" and "not fun" - to this, I ask YOU a question... how do you get a chance to illustrate that when you don't even GET that chance? That's the problem, you see. Whenever I meet people, I'm actually the person who's trying to "make something happen" - whether I have JUST met that person or whether I already know the people, but then how do you get to "open up" - when most people are passive like that? To me, I would rather be DENIED a contact exchange rather than get a phone number or an e-mail that means absolutely NOTHING, that's passed off without thought. That's the point of a contact exchange, to make new acquaintances, to make new friends. How many people have you met, honestly, that give you their phone number and you either never call them or they never do, making that contact exchange meaningless.

You see what I'm getting at. When you meet people, if you have no desire to 'get to know them' - why are you even giving away your contact info. When they do so, and when I try to "do stuff" - they all say "yeah lets do it" - I tell that person the details, and I either never hear back, or they make a false promise.

Second. I have a friend who I have also met back in 2006, we hit it off like the same day we met in class. I mean, same taste in movies, same sport, same style of humor - I mean we crack up when we're together. We're fucking more fun than anyone in the entire room or vicinity because we feed off of each other and make others laugh. We've been friends for 5 years now. Throughout that time, I have been basically the one who made the plans and got us out to do things, and everytime we had fun. Unfortunately, this same person - returned the favor, as many times as I could count fingers on one hand. And we got to know each other fairly well, we enjoy each other's company. So how do you explain that. What gives to be so passive even with the best of your friends?

I think it's a trait, a 'genetic disease' of some kind that a lot of people are "sick with". It's the "passive generation" is what it is. That's all it is. I'm not even a leader all that much, I don't like to be one...but It's almost as if I have NO CHOICE but to be one, because most people are just lazy fucks, who are waiting for some shit to pop off. And guess what - I'm the guy who's always poppin' that shit

random question but do you smoke weed?

[Genevieve]

You know, until very recently, I was in the same boat you are. I was ALWAYS the one initiating things. It makes you feel like shit and after a period of doing it a lot, you're just goddamn sick of it. And then you think some people will hopefully remember to, I don't know, do something with you as well. But nope. Then it's a matter of getting out of that rut again and ask people to do things.

Now I'm at the point where I skip social gatherings 'cause I just need time for myself sometimes and I know there'll be more in the future.

What's changed, though, is that I'm finally apart of a group of friends, rather than rotating between several loose collectives of friends. We all do shit together and meet up several times per week and always go out together. Oddly, since that started happening, I get invited to do things more with other people as well.

Find 'your group' and you'll be set.

[64hz]

things are totally opposite for me.
for the last 4/5 years ive been in a tight knit group of bout 5/6 people, did everything together, all like minded, awesome people. it was cool cos we were all from different social groups if you will, and all very different characters but were open minded to see past the differences and just have a great time together.
obviously we had plenty of other friends but we had a really close nuclear group.
now ive moved away, most of them have all gone to uni or travelling, and i still see some of them every now and then and its totally beck to normal the second we meet.
but the thing is, i'm finding it really hard to make new friends down here, because they all seem fucking boring compared to my old mates!!
like in the op, they all just seem really generic people. my 'old' friends have made me set my standards too high lol.

[wubstep]

64, that is the exact (EXACT!) post I was going to make if I could've been arsed to divulge my problems on the internet.

At uni, my course probably think I'm a boring tnuc because I don't go to the SU, getting wankered every night and then spend EVERY day complaining about hangovers, it's literally their only topic of discussion.

[64hz]

yeah, i wasnt gonna post, im not normally one for posting personal shit but ive got no one else to tell it to
lol it aint as sad as it sounds.

im not at uni myself, probably going next year, but i do sometimes go visit student mates, and i see that very thing.
hopefully ill go straight into a house next year and miss it all out.

[jameshk]

Who needs friends, take aload of drugs and talk to the voices in your head

[sixamsedna]

64, that is the exact (EXACT!) post I was going to make if I could've been arsed to divulge my problems on the internet.

It isn't exactly just MY problems, I'm just one out of the statistic that is actually voicing this. Imagine how many others feel this way (that is depending where you live, certain environments do have a bearing) I mean, as one girl already posted, her companion feels the same way I do.

[64hz]

Who needs friends, take aload of drugs and talk to the voices in your head

see, i took a load of drugs and came to the conclusion that i'm god and my friends are just the voices in my head

[jameshk]

Who needs friends, take aload of drugs and talk to the voices in your head

see, i took a load of drugs and came to the conclusion that i'm god and my friends are just the voices in my head

Good show, thats how its done.

[kay]

I'm pretty sure what sixamsedna posted about is true everywhere, not just the UK.

I'm not the most sociable person in the world, yet I find that more often than not I'm the one who has to round everyone up to go do stuff. Whether it's friends, workmates or just work shit. Gets tiresome and bothersome after a while. But it beats sitting at home on my own and looking for porn. With mates, it's usually either a lack of money on their part or being gluded to their significant others. Or in some cases, babies. After trying unsuccessfully to drag some mates clubbing for 6 years (and this was with them saying they really wanted to go), I finally gave up and went on my own. I did manage to get them to go after that, but they'd vanish at fucking 2am after getting there at 12.

So I went on to make more friends, and have several circles of them now. Different friends for different things, etc.

[prime|evil]

things are totally opposite for me.
for the last 4/5 years ive been in a tight knit group of bout 5/6 people, did everything together, all like minded, awesome people. it was cool cos we were all from different social groups if you will, and all very different characters but were open minded to see past the differences and just have a great time together.
obviously we had plenty of other friends but we had a really close nuclear group.
now ive moved away, most of them have all gone to uni or travelling, and i still see some of them every now and then and its totally beck to normal the second we meet.
but the thing is, i'm finding it really hard to make new friends down here, because they all seem fucking boring compared to my old mates!!
like in the op, they all just seem really generic people. my 'old' friends have made me set my standards too high lol.

64hz speaks the truth. Back home I had loads of aquitances, but only a few real, proper friends for life type thing. Luckily when I moved to Brighton, I already had one of my best mates from back home living down here as he moved for uni too a few years before. Hung with him, got showed who were safe people, had a few more proper friends move down (pretty lucky, load good peeps are moving from Maidstone to Brighton. Hopefully not too many though lol!) and now I've made a sweet group of friends down here too. Friends come and go. But it takes fucking years to find your best ones. It aint about better or worse people (although I have heard there are a lot of dickeads in the US, but I try not to judge. NY looks rad.) england has a lot of dickeads too. As does any other country. It's just about trying to find people on your level to hang with. Everyone in life has different standards.



Cue different strokes gifs/pics/youtubeclips

[pandabear]

I will post a better reply in the next coming days cos I have to be somewhere soon. I was never in your shoes, but now I am. It never felt so good. Too many friends bring a lot of drama. Too much drama bring so much stress. Too much stress makes you old faster. I have a best friend who does not live in the same state as I do, and does not always have the same mindset that I have. She will be the only person who will have the key to my house, the copy to my will, and after my family, will be contacted if something happens to me. I am the same to her. I have some close friends. I still have a lot of acquaintances and old friends that I don't give a shit about. Apart from family, I only need my best friend, a handful close friends, and anyone I don't have to be attached with/deal with/not lose sleep on/or not see again. Also known as strangers. Like you. Just to fill the void.

The substance you want you probably already have. You probably just need someone to fill the void. If you're comfortable with yourself, you'll like doing things by yourself more than with others. If you're comfortable, there's no need for excessive attachment, whatever they give is enough. The [shallow] attachments you'll have with others are okay, cos they're only there filling the temporary void. At least that's how I see everyone's place in my life. I don't know if that made sense. Most of the dubstep heads here in SD, I only talk to them in parties or park jams. Whether we have real talks or scene talks, everything was done at parties. I never really invited them to "hang out" outside. Some, I have gone to parties outside the city with, but nothing like, 'hey let's have coffee, kick it, watch a movie, ponder on our musings, and decipher Oedipus Rex or penis envy', etc, etc. I have other people for that. Actually, there was a girl, who was super cool when sober, but really stupid when inebriated. I don't like stupid girls. It does not make me feel or look better when I see girls acting dumb. I only hung out with/could stand her for a few months then she vanished from the face of the earth.

OK, maybe I won't post anymore. This is long. I don't know if it made sense too. Sorry

[wolf89]

I feel really lucky. I've had a group of friends who I've known since I was about five years old. It's got to be like family. We're all away from each other a bit when uni term is on now but even then we still somehow see a lot of each other. When we're all about in holidays though and someone has a party or even if we just decide to do some shit during the day it can end up with everyone hanging out at someone's house for literally days after.

At uni I seem to have multiple groups of friends for different things though which is weird. Like each group has a particular area of conversation or type of night out associated with them. Anyone else do that?

[DubDreams]

you must not have a girlfriend either huh? lol kidding. i don't........for your reasons listed.


I grew up in Orlando, moved to Mississippi. I can list the type of people here on 3 MAYBE 4 fingers.
-Hippy
-Drug head
-Typical douchebag
-Meathead

It's amazing what a melting pot of a city will do to you as you grow up. My brother and I both are in the same state of mind (I believe) that the people here are fuckin lockedin a cage to their mid highschool days. This isn't mentioning the fact that people around here are so close minded when it comes to people doing what they want to do, how they want to do it, and believing in what they want to believe in. If you ask anyone 35+ here i'd say that if they thought that church made them who they are....you would get a definitive YES. If you argue or point out flaws in the thoughts they have on anything, you get reprimanded harshly.

All that being said...we tend to make plans and we can ask numerous people and typically get a small % of those invited that actually go. Most times it's money or just being lazy......

Move away to a bigger city. Cities motivate people.