Why am I always the one who...

[DubDreams]

things are totally opposite for me.
for the last 4/5 years ive been in a tight knit group of bout 5/6 people, did everything together, all like minded, awesome people. it was cool cos we were all from different social groups if you will, and all very different characters but were open minded to see past the differences and just have a great time together.
obviously we had plenty of other friends but we had a really close nuclear group.
now ive moved away, most of them have all gone to uni or travelling, and i still see some of them every now and then and its totally beck to normal the second we meet.
but the thing is, i'm finding it really hard to make new friends down here, because they all seem fucking boring compared to my old mates!!
like in the op, they all just seem really generic people. my 'old' friends have made me set my standards too high lol.

word for word, my situation. i have a huge group of friends in orlando that are fuckin amazing. i move here and can't stand being around 95% of the people i cross paths with because they dont match what i had previously and plan on going back to.

[noam]

i kinda get that feelin sometimes, but with me its more of an effort thing, like with a few mates, my close mates from school, gettin us all together is an effort since a) a lot have moved away like i did, b) we're all pretty much into completely different shit now

the relationship we have is built on past relationships and so when we get together we slip into old roles in new ways, with different perspectives, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't

with other groups of mates, i have like, the weekend crew o go n get fucked up with. and then i have the uni crew dotted around. all out of which there are a few i would consider good mates, the rest are friends and people i like chillin with but i wouldn't necessarily call them up to jam

for me relationships with people often get built within certain climates, so it takes you being removed from that context to find you have more in common --> become better friends

experiences are subconsciously logged, being positive and trying to have a good time with people usually helps with next time you seein them, startin on a positive note.

shit this is like some weird lifestyle coaching!!

anyway, what someone said bout people from eastern europe being blunt is so true, i find it as endearing as i do annoying- the argument that social 'shackles' is a hindrance to people in western society is kind of a moot point since whatever social context you grow up in you learn to live in. those who don't are the 'outsiders' as it were, and its unimaginable that everyone from a place where people are more upfront about their feelings and thoughts live in social harmony, infact its not unimaginable its just not true. character traits of nationalities are just those, nothing deeper. you can live with certain people or you cant.

[hayze99]

Definitely needs a tl;dr.

Anyway, a lot of attraction is skin deep. Make yourself a bit cooler, get some piercings, find yourself some cool thread and hobbies.

People have a tendency to be selfish - they'll want to hang with you if it makes em feel better about themselves, makes em feel cooler and so on. Everyone wants a DJ friend, and for a lot fo my life I've found the opposite problem - knee deep in a sea of superficial friends, who I end up obliged to spend time with.

[jazzamataz]

To the guys at Uni having the social difficulties... Uni is an extension of school these days.
It's not a place for academics anvmore - its a place for kids who don't want to work for another three years.
I started Uni late and really didn't fit in with any crowd because I was 22 and had all the experiences that
people go to Uni for already - it was a bit old hat and watching 18 yr olds drink themselves paralytic
just wasn't fun.

My advice is, hang out with some of the older peeps. MSc/Ma students and/or people who like you,
are a little older and wiser. It took me a whole semester to work out why I was having a shit time
and after I worked it out, it was all plain sailing and quite fun. Never had a problem socialising after
that.

If worst comes to worst, start an SU group/event up for something you enjoy and meet up with
like-minded people there.


EDIT: Btw, if it helps - you can only really have a maximum of about 10 people in your close-knit
circle. After that group dynamics get warped and it's harder to know who you can call a real friend.
The average is about 5. (I don't have the study I read, but it's in the "journal of social psychology."
Buzz words are social groups, networking, facebook, friends.)

I have 6 people I would call real friends, and 3 of them I haven't seen since October last year.

[legend4ry]

OP - you seem like someone who doesn't enjoy their own company because something like this happened to me a few years back and I took it as a opportunity to spend my spare time completing the games I had bought and never played due to being out all the time...I have a small group of mates who I have been friends with for about 8-9 years and for a while they didn't invite me out (mainly cause I was broke 90% of the time so they'd wait for a text from me, asking if something is happening) it took me a while to stop getting pissed off about it cause I'd be like "ohh they're off out, having fun" when really, they're just sitting there, drinking over priced drinks and trying to think of topics for conversation.

In the last say.. 4 years ive made exactly 5 friends outside of my tight little group who I see on the regular and I met them through us all being DJs I am selective with who I call a friend, a lot of people are just associates (I am the kinda person who'll not come up to you in the street and start a conversation, people like that infuriate me).

Like someone said above - find people who're in the same kinda thing as you, I dunno how old you're but now i'm in my 20s I have realised that not many people care about making friends and meeting new people cause they have a group of people who they're already good mates with and are happy with them - maybe thats the problem, its nothing to do with upbringing or where you're from its just you're part of the age group what doesn't like meeting new people and bringing them into their little click.

And for the record, every group of friends has someone who makes all the plans cause most people are lazy and would just sit at home till they get a proposition to do something more exciting.

[64hz]

Definitely needs a tl;dr.

Anyway, a lot of attraction is skin deep. Make yourself a bit cooler, get some piercings, find yourself some cool thread and hobbies.

[cdplayer96]

you're tryin way to hard it seems. easiest way to just hang out with people. which it seems like you're goin for is just hit up a bar. get buzzed and shoot the shit with the other folks in there.

as mentioned above don't just walk up to people and start a conversation out on the street somewhere. most "americans" like keeping to themselves and don't want to be bothered in their daily life.

and drop the ego. just because someone doesn't want to be friends with you doesn't mean they are somehow less enlightened than you on any level

[WhosZena]

I have mates(shock horror), I even love them to bits.

But I only ever go out on my own.

Em i wieered??

[jazzamataz]

I have mates(shock horror), I even love them to bits.

But I only ever go out on my own.

Em i wieered??

Yes.

You live in tyres. You're weird.

[cdplayer96]

yeah that's pretty weird man.

[AntlionUK]

ya'll need to get laid.

[sixamsedna]

you're tryin way to hard it seems. easiest way to just hang out with people. which it seems like you're goin for is just hit up a bar. get buzzed and shoot the shit with the other folks in there.

as mentioned above don't just walk up to people and start a conversation out on the street somewhere. most "americans" like keeping to themselves and don't want to be bothered in their daily life.

and drop the ego. just because someone doesn't want to be friends with you doesn't mean they are somehow less enlightened than you on any level

You completely misunderstood what the whole thread was about. There's no ego on my part. You gonna sit there, and type up behind a computer that I have an ego, when I try to get people OUT of their lazy asses to do stuff with? I know you had good intentions when you posted this, but you misunderstood what the rant was about entirely.

[knell]

things are totally opposite for me.
for the last 4/5 years ive been in a tight knit group of bout 5/6 people, did everything together, all like minded, awesome people. it was cool cos we were all from different social groups if you will, and all very different characters but were open minded to see past the differences and just have a great time together.
obviously we had plenty of other friends but we had a really close nuclear group.
now ive moved away, most of them have all gone to uni or travelling, and i still see some of them every now and then and its totally beck to normal the second we meet.
but the thing is, i'm finding it really hard to make new friends down here, because they all seem fucking boring compared to my old mates!!
like in the op, they all just seem really generic people. my 'old' friends have made me set my standards too high lol.

word for word, my situation. i have a huge group of friends in orlando that are fuckin amazing. i move here and can't stand being around 95% of the people i cross paths with because they dont match what i had previously and plan on going back to.

glad im not the only one

well said 64hz... you've made me miss my old friends back east even more now, even tho i love the west coast it would still be better with them here

[apmje]

The first paragraph or so was applicable to myself. Since moving to Bristol I have made no friends, booyah. Will be at Dubloaded tonight with Pinch, Jakes, Gemmy etc, clearly like-minded people in the building, but I will return home without having spoke to anyone. Big up.

Get drunk, get chatting. Everytime I go to a rave I make new friends and spend loads of time chatting to random people, met up with a dude of dsf for last Exodus and had an awesome night. Just push through the awkwardness and chat, your already half way there as you know most of them will like the same music.

[leebass]

64, that is the exact (EXACT!) post I was going to make if I could've been arsed to divulge my problems on the internet.

At uni, my course probably think I'm a boring tnuc because I don't go to the SU, getting wankered every night and then spend EVERY day complaining about hangovers, it's literally their only topic of discussion.

Hang on a minute, i'm basically in the same situation, at UWE in Bristol and haven't found any like-minded music people, are you in halls? What's the next night in Bristol you're going to? PM me or something.

[DubDreams]

things are totally opposite for me.
for the last 4/5 years ive been in a tight knit group of bout 5/6 people, did everything together, all like minded, awesome people. it was cool cos we were all from different social groups if you will, and all very different characters but were open minded to see past the differences and just have a great time together.
obviously we had plenty of other friends but we had a really close nuclear group.
now ive moved away, most of them have all gone to uni or travelling, and i still see some of them every now and then and its totally beck to normal the second we meet.
but the thing is, i'm finding it really hard to make new friends down here, because they all seem fucking boring compared to my old mates!!
like in the op, they all just seem really generic people. my 'old' friends have made me set my standards too high lol.

word for word, my situation. i have a huge group of friends in orlando that are fuckin amazing. i move here and can't stand being around 95% of the people i cross paths with because they dont match what i had previously and plan on going back to.

glad im not the only one

well said 64hz... you've made me miss my old friends back east even more now, even tho i love the west coast it would still be better with them here

Your location isn't helping. LA is full of people that WANT to be ACTORS. Of course they are fake...that's their dream! haha. Move somewhere that has everything you enjoy and things you may find interesting later or once you get there. I'm from Orlando and would not mind going back at all..I would not regret it..but I do want to live in Denver and Minneapolis because they have a lot to offer socially, career wise, and music based.

[wubstep]

64, that is the exact (EXACT!) post I was going to make if I could've been arsed to divulge my problems on the internet.

At uni, my course probably think I'm a boring tnuc because I don't go to the SU, getting wankered every night and then spend EVERY day complaining about hangovers, it's literally their only topic of discussion.

Hang on a minute, i'm basically in the same situation, at UWE in Bristol and haven't found any like-minded music people, are you in halls? What's the next night in Bristol you're going to? PM me or something.

Naa, go to Bath Spa but live in Bristol. If you're in the halls near Cabot Circus, I can see you from my seat.

Swamploaded - Loefah, Addison Groove & someone else.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?ei ... 7272702540

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[kay]

Definitely needs a tl;dr.

Anyway, a lot of attraction is skin deep. Make yourself a bit cooler, get some piercings, find yourself some cool thread and hobbies.

I had to suppress a LOL in the office