ALIENS!!!

[Pedro Sánchez]

[WhosZena]

Speaking of Aliens....

Some dude on my FB wrote this, and if you can read it all...kudos

Let's say for whatever reasons you're the first human ever to make alien contact...Yess... I knowww... Pretty f**** unlikely, and it probably won;t be you, thats a given... But lets pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars and you end up actually in such a situation... Do you not think it would be wise to prepare you and prepare us for such an encounter? You might as youself, why ? Well... For one: MOST HISTORIANS AND SCIENTISTS AGREE THIS WOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY!!! In fact, it's commonly accepted that in generations to come, all of history would be divided into "pre-contact" and "post-contact" eras, kind of like how us bosnians seperate our life into "pre-war" and "post-war" eras. So , to put it one way; YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN HISTORY (Again, i highly doubt that it will be you, but just in case) .. Soooo, with that being said, I want you think along the lines of prophet muhammed who pays lebron james and Jesus who pays dywane wade. The day you make contact will live on, through all cultures and civilizations, for as long as the human race exisits (aka 2012). it will be the defining moment for our entire species. BUT it is important that you do not think about that.. You might get nervous and F*** sh** up or something. Just keep in mind a few key points in your head and try to keep your cool (Like Ali G). First things first: STAY THE F**** STILL! The aliens will be quite used to things flailing like crazy and trying to get away. They'll most likely have picked up a fish or a bird and wastched as it flapped like an idiot until it died. They know this is what a non self-aware organism does. HOLDING STILL IS THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO TO SHOW THEM WE'RE WORTH OUR WEIGHT IN CRAP. Also, some basic statistics will tell you why you don't need to panic.: Between the insane rate at which technology advances, and the massive amount of time a species must exist to travel through interstellar space, the odds that we will be technologically advanced within 5,000 years of the aliens are roughly absolute zero. Think about it this way: It wont be lasers vs machine guns, it'll be nuclear weapons vs. sponges. The fact that you're still alive to this very day means they are going to let us live. Fightign them, matrix style, is just not going to happen. relax and make this count. Don't panic when you see them, they're going to look weird, if they have physical bodies at all. They likely won;t look like anything that has ever evolved on earth. Hold still, be deliberate, and react cautiously. Next up: FINDING A MEDIUM TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH. They wont speak your language, and wont be able to mess with your thoughts. They might no communicate through sounds and may not even hear the frequencies we talk through. Human language, with its fickle syntax, won't do. Feel free to talk, but know that this will just give the aliens a general feel for how we wound. You won't be able to convey ideas verbally at first. If the aliens seem to respond to visible light, writing things down is your best bet. You can tell whether they respond to visible light by checking out their technology. Is it colour-coded in anyway? is it shiny, polished, or decorated with text of some kind ? if so, GREAT, that mekes things easy. If not, they most likely respond to other types of radiation. Thats tougher. You'll need to use rocks, or other 3D objects to communicate. You should probably bring your own pen. If they provide any kind of writing mechanism, it wont likely be the familiar cylinder that fits so nicely into our opossable digits.ALGORITHMS MOTHERF****ER ! DO YOU SPEAK IT? So how can you sum up the last 10,000 years of scietific discovery in a completely universal way ? Easy: MATH. The aliens won;t know whp pythagoras was, but they'll sure as shit know his theorem. The right triangle will show our alien visitors, without any doubt, that humans are scientific-minded. Draw a right triangle. I bet they'll get quite the reaction out of them. Label the sides 1, 2, 3. They'll probably love that. Forget your pen, or do the aliens only respond to gamma radiation? well then youll need to made do. Got a dollar bill and come coinage ? time to get creative/ fold up a bill and make a right triangle. arrange your coins so that all of them stay in place as you move the dollar bill around, they will reassure them that you know basic geometry.Assuming a mastery of highschool mathematics, the ET's will now understand that we're a base-10 kind of species, and with any luck, they can begin using our familiar nuemral system to communicate logically. They might ask you questions ..ranging from describing Pi, to predicting prime numbers, to describing lambda calculus. If you don't know, immediately repeat some kind of obvious " I HAVE NO F**** IDEA WTF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT" gesture so they can tell when you're in way over your head"/ I would high suggest you re-familiariaze yourself with basic geometrey and algebra now, so you dont make earth look dumb by not knowing how to find the diametere of a f*******ng circle if you're the first person they abduct... KEEP THIS IN MINDDDDD: They wont know who Einstein was, but they'll know about relativity. They won't call it "Newton's Laws" but they'll know about the conservation of energy. They won't know the Mona Lisa, but they'll know hydrogen has one proton and that she was a slut. They won't know any of our religions, but they'll know Pi is irrational. They won't know the name "Darwin", but they'll be familiar with natural selection. they'll be familiar with binary, but it wont be zero's and ones. If they send you a message with only two characters, repeating that's binary. it does not matter which character is our "zero" and which is our "one". A good universal constant to bring up will be the SPEE OF LIGHT but keep in mind they wont know what a "meter" or a "second" is. They'll know mathemtical operators, but they wont know + - = or / , etc. You'll need to do a few sample math problems for them to catch on; i hope you havent lost your pen which i told you to keep. Okay so chances are, if you are still reading this ; you are alive and well: GREAT JOB SO FAR! NOW FOR THE END-GAME.... At this point, the aliens will know we're somewhat intelligent... MOST OF US... But let's face it; You've spent a few hours on some kind of alien craft and you want t oget home and probably take a shower. Wrapping this up will most likely involve two things: EXPRESSING OUR DESIRE TO LEARN about THEM , and ACTING AS THEIR SPOKESPERSON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD. Draw something familiar/similar to the orbit of all 8 (9) planets around the sun.... This will show the aliens that we understand astronomy and our place in the cosmos. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. Converying that we have discovered our place in the universe is absolutely keyyyyy! THIS WILL SHOW THE ALIENS THAT WE're curious, scientific, and willing to learn more about the cosmos. and finallyyyy SHOW SOME DAMNED HUMILITY!!! to conclude, you're going to need to let the aliens know we're unearthed our own evolutionary history. Put your personal feelings asid here: DO NOT LOOK AN ALIEN RACE IN THE EYES(EYE?..EYES') and tell them the universe was created for us... A good number of scientists believe this might be the "ULTIMATE" cosmic IQ test: THE BAR BY WHICH ALL ALIEN RACES MEASURE SELF-AWARENESS. DO you personally believe we were crafted by a creator ? well suck it up for ten minutes and draw something that shows all kiinds of species and complexity all leading to the creation of a human being. Dont fail the cosmic citizenship test for our entire species, OKAY ? DEAL ? .. All dtry to draw a scenario where there is many people waving and smiling at a spaceship; they will most likely understand that this is a sign of peace and humility.. a sign that the human race would liek to become "friends" not just on facebook but in real-universe-life as well... ! ALRIGHTTTT! TIME TO GET THE F*** OUT OF THERE BEFORE THEY KILL YOU !!! Let's get you back home so you can take your place in history ... The hardest part is over... Now it's time to get back to civilization, take that shower, and become the most famous human ever to live... You'll probably be the sole spokesperson for the alien race...so keep this stuff in mind.... 1. get dropped off in a major city (NYC or LOS ANGELES or WINDSOR, ONTARIO) if you're able , try to direct the ET's to drop you off in the nearest major city. this will be tough, since they wont know what a mile is, what north or south are, or latititude and longitude... pointing withyour hands is also not your friend here... try drawing out local landscape, or coastline, as literally as possible. Tall building should be made obvious, or just place yao ming or shaquille o'neal on the empire state building... They should pick up on this.... 2. Involved the local news..3. No POP CULTURE REFERENCES! 4. you'll probably be killed ..Unfortunately , you'll be the most important human on earth, and no matter what you do, you'll be extrememly controversial.. there are simply too many subversive parties who will want you dead for whatever reason, and they'll most likely succeed eventually. There isn't much you can do about this one..SOrry ! . 5. REPRODUCE AS MUCH AS POSSBILE BEFORE #4 occurs... Have a bunch of descendants, if the aliens are big onto progeny, they might be designated some kind of ruling race in the future. "Descendants of ____WHATEVER YORU NAME IS -------" , has a good ring to it, fon't you think ? Plus, it'll keep your genes alive for a really, really, long time. and thats what it's all about in the end... GOOD LUCK AND DONT FUCK THIS UP FOR US... (Mind you, chances of your being chosen are 0 to infiinity...and beyond) .PS: SPACE and the UNIVERSE IZ AMAZING!

this guy is a genius

[AntlionUK]

that was a long read.

[ketamine]

why did I read the entire

[kidshuffle]

why did I read the entire

because the universe iz amazing!

[constrobuz]

^^^ that was fucking retarded. if aliens are able to get here and make contact with us they can probably scan the planet with some super technology and know where nyc, la, etc. are. i dont think they will need some shitty directions and a map. they will know math but not latitude and longitude?

[knell]

Speaking of Aliens....

Some dude on my FB wrote this, and if you can read it all...kudos

Let's say for whatever reasons you're the first human ever to make alien contact...Yess... I knowww... Pretty f**** unlikely, and it probably won;t be you, thats a given... But lets pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars and you end up actually in such a situation... Do you not think it would be wise to prepare you and prepare us for such an encounter? You might as youself, why ? Well... For one: MOST HISTORIANS AND SCIENTISTS AGREE THIS WOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT IN ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY!!! In fact, it's commonly accepted that in generations to come, all of history would be divided into "pre-contact" and "post-contact" eras, kind of like how us bosnians seperate our life into "pre-war" and "post-war" eras. So , to put it one way; YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN HISTORY (Again, i highly doubt that it will be you, but just in case) .. Soooo, with that being said, I want you think along the lines of prophet muhammed who pays lebron james and Jesus who pays dywane wade. The day you make contact will live on, through all cultures and civilizations, for as long as the human race exisits (aka 2012). it will be the defining moment for our entire species. BUT it is important that you do not think about that.. You might get nervous and F*** sh** up or something. Just keep in mind a few key points in your head and try to keep your cool (Like Ali G). First things first: STAY THE F**** STILL! The aliens will be quite used to things flailing like crazy and trying to get away. They'll most likely have picked up a fish or a bird and wastched as it flapped like an idiot until it died. They know this is what a non self-aware organism does. HOLDING STILL IS THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO TO SHOW THEM WE'RE WORTH OUR WEIGHT IN CRAP. Also, some basic statistics will tell you why you don't need to panic.: Between the insane rate at which technology advances, and the massive amount of time a species must exist to travel through interstellar space, the odds that we will be technologically advanced within 5,000 years of the aliens are roughly absolute zero. Think about it this way: It wont be lasers vs machine guns, it'll be nuclear weapons vs. sponges. The fact that you're still alive to this very day means they are going to let us live. Fightign them, matrix style, is just not going to happen. relax and make this count. Don't panic when you see them, they're going to look weird, if they have physical bodies at all. They likely won;t look like anything that has ever evolved on earth. Hold still, be deliberate, and react cautiously. Next up: FINDING A MEDIUM TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH. They wont speak your language, and wont be able to mess with your thoughts. They might no communicate through sounds and may not even hear the frequencies we talk through. Human language, with its fickle syntax, won't do. Feel free to talk, but know that this will just give the aliens a general feel for how we wound. You won't be able to convey ideas verbally at first. If the aliens seem to respond to visible light, writing things down is your best bet. You can tell whether they respond to visible light by checking out their technology. Is it colour-coded in anyway? is it shiny, polished, or decorated with text of some kind ? if so, GREAT, that mekes things easy. If not, they most likely respond to other types of radiation. Thats tougher. You'll need to use rocks, or other 3D objects to communicate. You should probably bring your own pen. If they provide any kind of writing mechanism, it wont likely be the familiar cylinder that fits so nicely into our opossable digits.ALGORITHMS MOTHERF****ER ! DO YOU SPEAK IT? So how can you sum up the last 10,000 years of scietific discovery in a completely universal way ? Easy: MATH. The aliens won;t know whp pythagoras was, but they'll sure as shit know his theorem. The right triangle will show our alien visitors, without any doubt, that humans are scientific-minded. Draw a right triangle. I bet they'll get quite the reaction out of them. Label the sides 1, 2, 3. They'll probably love that. Forget your pen, or do the aliens only respond to gamma radiation? well then youll need to made do. Got a dollar bill and come coinage ? time to get creative/ fold up a bill and make a right triangle. arrange your coins so that all of them stay in place as you move the dollar bill around, they will reassure them that you know basic geometry.Assuming a mastery of highschool mathematics, the ET's will now understand that we're a base-10 kind of species, and with any luck, they can begin using our familiar nuemral system to communicate logically. They might ask you questions ..ranging from describing Pi, to predicting prime numbers, to describing lambda calculus. If you don't know, immediately repeat some kind of obvious " I HAVE NO F**** IDEA WTF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT" gesture so they can tell when you're in way over your head"/ I would high suggest you re-familiariaze yourself with basic geometrey and algebra now, so you dont make earth look dumb by not knowing how to find the diametere of a f*******ng circle if you're the first person they abduct... KEEP THIS IN MINDDDDD: They wont know who Einstein was, but they'll know about relativity. They won't call it "Newton's Laws" but they'll know about the conservation of energy. They won't know the Mona Lisa, but they'll know hydrogen has one proton and that she was a slut. They won't know any of our religions, but they'll know Pi is irrational. They won't know the name "Darwin", but they'll be familiar with natural selection. they'll be familiar with binary, but it wont be zero's and ones. If they send you a message with only two characters, repeating that's binary. it does not matter which character is our "zero" and which is our "one". A good universal constant to bring up will be the SPEE OF LIGHT but keep in mind they wont know what a "meter" or a "second" is. They'll know mathemtical operators, but they wont know + - = or / , etc. You'll need to do a few sample math problems for them to catch on; i hope you havent lost your pen which i told you to keep. Okay so chances are, if you are still reading this ; you are alive and well: GREAT JOB SO FAR! NOW FOR THE END-GAME.... At this point, the aliens will know we're somewhat intelligent... MOST OF US... But let's face it; You've spent a few hours on some kind of alien craft and you want t oget home and probably take a shower. Wrapping this up will most likely involve two things: EXPRESSING OUR DESIRE TO LEARN about THEM , and ACTING AS THEIR SPOKESPERSON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD. Draw something familiar/similar to the orbit of all 8 (9) planets around the sun.... This will show the aliens that we understand astronomy and our place in the cosmos. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. Converying that we have discovered our place in the universe is absolutely keyyyyy! THIS WILL SHOW THE ALIENS THAT WE're curious, scientific, and willing to learn more about the cosmos. and finallyyyy SHOW SOME DAMNED HUMILITY!!! to conclude, you're going to need to let the aliens know we're unearthed our own evolutionary history. Put your personal feelings asid here: DO NOT LOOK AN ALIEN RACE IN THE EYES(EYE?..EYES') and tell them the universe was created for us... A good number of scientists believe this might be the "ULTIMATE" cosmic IQ test: THE BAR BY WHICH ALL ALIEN RACES MEASURE SELF-AWARENESS. DO you personally believe we were crafted by a creator ? well suck it up for ten minutes and draw something that shows all kiinds of species and complexity all leading to the creation of a human being. Dont fail the cosmic citizenship test for our entire species, OKAY ? DEAL ? .. All dtry to draw a scenario where there is many people waving and smiling at a spaceship; they will most likely understand that this is a sign of peace and humility.. a sign that the human race would liek to become "friends" not just on facebook but in real-universe-life as well... ! ALRIGHTTTT! TIME TO GET THE F*** OUT OF THERE BEFORE THEY KILL YOU !!! Let's get you back home so you can take your place in history ... The hardest part is over... Now it's time to get back to civilization, take that shower, and become the most famous human ever to live... You'll probably be the sole spokesperson for the alien race...so keep this stuff in mind.... 1. get dropped off in a major city (NYC or LOS ANGELES or WINDSOR, ONTARIO) if you're able , try to direct the ET's to drop you off in the nearest major city. this will be tough, since they wont know what a mile is, what north or south are, or latititude and longitude... pointing withyour hands is also not your friend here... try drawing out local landscape, or coastline, as literally as possible. Tall building should be made obvious, or just place yao ming or shaquille o'neal on the empire state building... They should pick up on this.... 2. Involved the local news..3. No POP CULTURE REFERENCES! 4. you'll probably be killed ..Unfortunately , you'll be the most important human on earth, and no matter what you do, you'll be extrememly controversial.. there are simply too many subversive parties who will want you dead for whatever reason, and they'll most likely succeed eventually. There isn't much you can do about this one..SOrry ! . 5. REPRODUCE AS MUCH AS POSSBILE BEFORE #4 occurs... Have a bunch of descendants, if the aliens are big onto progeny, they might be designated some kind of ruling race in the future. "Descendants of ____WHATEVER YORU NAME IS -------" , has a good ring to it, fon't you think ? Plus, it'll keep your genes alive for a really, really, long time. and thats what it's all about in the end... GOOD LUCK AND DONT FUCK THIS UP FOR US... (Mind you, chances of your being chosen are 0 to infiinity...and beyond) .PS: SPACE and the UNIVERSE IZ AMAZING!

this guy is a genius

yeah, genius enough to plagiarize ... he didn't come up with that, merely copied it off of a poster that i've seen a bunch of times before..

i'll find it and post it here if you're interested.

[knell]

here, i'll go ahead and post it here before someone asks.... dude rips it off word for word except for adding dumb jokes and slight wording changes:

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/4291 ... nalien.gif

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done? can't stand uncreative people that try to pass off things as their own... unless he linked the source, that guy is an asshole.

[Zöo Pop]

Einstein still lives amongst us!

[wormcode]

here, i'll go ahead and post it here before someone asks.... dude rips it off word for word except for adding dumb jokes and slight wording changes:

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/4291 ... nalien.gif

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done? can't stand uncreative people that try to pass off things as their own... unless he linked the source, that guy is an asshole.

Even more so because he apparently chose not to put it into paragraphs.

[drokkr]

here, i'll go ahead and post it here before someone asks.... dude rips it off word for word except for adding dumb jokes and slight wording changes:

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/4291 ... nalien.gif

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done? can't stand uncreative people that try to pass off things as their own... unless he linked the source, that guy is an asshole.

Even more so because he apparently chose not to put it into paragraphs.

[ketamine]

here, i'll go ahead and post it here before someone asks.... dude rips it off word for word except for adding dumb jokes and slight wording changes:

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/4291 ... nalien.gif

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done? can't stand uncreative people that try to pass off things as their own... unless he linked the source, that guy is an asshole.

Even more so because he apparently chose not to put it into paragraphs.

[kidshuffle]

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done?

Because he's bosnian


For real though, he's the weirdest dude. I remember him telling me about how he had a dream where he fucked this girl he had a huge crush on in a basketball hoop, after he fucked her while skiing down a mountain. He's just an odd fella.

[knell]

now why would he waste so much time re-writing something that had already been done?

Because he's bosnian


For real though, he's the weirdest dude. I remember him telling me about how he had a dream where he fucked this girl he had a huge crush on in a basketball hoop, after he fucked her while skiing down a mountain. He's just an odd fella.

you sure he didn't pinch that dream story from someone else, too?

seriously though, once someone plagiarizes, all work comes under scrutiny... it's the name of the game