Worst amateur DJ bios...

[TheTornado]

Inspired by the Skrillz thread in General, post up the most cringeworthy amateur DJ bios/promo pics you've seen. I have a 'bio', and while it's admittedly stupid, it's useful for FB events and whatnot.

I'll start...

J.Santana had his first taste of dance music on a live mix radio show. Hosted by Chicago's radio station 96.3 B96 back in the EARLY 90's what came out to be Mark V and Poogie Bear "war" the track blew his mind.
At that time J.Santana wasn't too informed who is favorite artist or DJ was, but knew a place where turntables were.
A friend from around the way (DJ Rek Luse & DJ Ghost) showed him his fir...st pair of turntables in the basement of DJ Rek Luse. Then,with the help of Rek Luse and Ghost, J.Santana fell in love with music and was anxious, yet wanting to learn the basics of mixing. Soon, came high school where J.Santana promoted himself as a DJ and was getting himself involved with other djs through out the Fox Valley and or surrounding areas.
As a Sophomore in high school J.Santana was reconnected to a childhood friend that to also played music. This was a time where J.Santana and childhood friend (DJ 5ive) started "Night Kids". Buying vinyl every Sunday at the time became a religious outing for the two.
In the year 2001-2002 J.Santana was given his first pair of belt-driven turntable package by Stanton. With numerous hours of practice he decided to invite people to his house for after hours after Energy night club. Having to be living with his Mother she gave into the madness. Music, deejaying, and events were soon to come into play later down the road.

First, opening gig was held by Fear None Productions at an out door venue where J.Santana met DJ; Rampage, Insomnia, Too Hype, and Short Body, to just name a few and got positive feed back in having to know house music. With a little taste of having to play on a larger scale sound system J.Santana went back into the underground to put in more practice time.
At a young age J.Santana wasn't able to get into clubs or knew where such raves were at so with the net at his tips he teamed up with 'DJ LIP TON' and started "Massive On-line Chicago" for promotional use for events, DJ mixes, and for the people to be informed of whats going on in the Chicago land area or out of state.Camp out gatherings is something that J.Santana got into and had his first experience at Mellon Mountain Music Fest Presented by Groove Shop Records, Porky Hydraulics, to just name a few and got positive feed back from party goers.

A freelance DJ. Mixing styles of; Drum N Bass, Hardstyle, Break Beat, Jungle, House, Trance, and Techno. Since, birth Santana has felt the grooves of a vinyl record and truly has a ear for sound and making the dance floor erupt.
Producing Hip-Hop music and or Dance is not just a hobby but more of a passion and has been behind an mpc 2000 with some of Chicagos underground HipHop Emcees and Producers such as Max Conroy of G4 (http://www.facebook.com/galapagos4). His ability to beat match, blend, and scratch records is what makes Santana a "true" DJ. Hes even made a name for himself not only within the Chicago land area but is known by Germany's very own DJ BizKid (http://www.facebook.com/djbizkid). Hes even shared dance floors with well known bboys and bgirls having to had showed his bboy skills @
"URBAN WAREFARE" @ 'Subterranian' Chicago. Through the drift of things Santana likes to write and freestyle lyrics on paper to a beat.
For 6 years now Justin has proved to be a crowd pleaser with an ability to mix multi-genres together and smash dance floors regularly. Having been born and raised in Chi's northern burbs Satana has had the oppurtunity to hold residencys at many major clubs and lounges from Rockford to Chicago. Playing a ton of raves and holding residencys at the highly acclaimed underground club 'SmartBar' Justin is no secret to Chicago.

October 15, 2010, J. Santana was given an opportunity to play for
"Ghetto Division" a collective of Djs and Producers. Having to travel to the South Side of Chicago to Dot Studios, J. Santana brought his front line of "Chicago Hard House Music". Not only did he play for Djs ; MaddJazz, Rob Threezy, Rampage, MicroDot, M-Dok
D_51, Louie Cue, to name a few he was being broad casted LIVE on GhettoDivisions
UStream Session. http://www.ustream.tv/channel/ghetto-division

December 28th, 2010 "Murda in America aka M.I.A", a Drum and Bass collective had offered a position to J. Santana as a promoter for the jungle massive. You can find him passing out hard copy flyers to the masses and updating event calendars to help spread the word for the junglist movement. Not only does he promote to the masses, but you can find him spinning the best in Drum and Bass music in 2011 and beyond.

Venues

Mad Maggies-Elgin,IL-madmaggies.net

Zentra nightclub-Chicago,IL
www.zentranightclub.com

Smart Bar-Chicago,IL
www.smartbarchicago.com

Oasis Cafe-West Chicago,IL
www.myoasiscafe.com

Scotland Yard-St.Charles,IL
myspace.com/theyardnv

Chord On Blues-St.Charles,IL
www.chordonblues.com

La Margaritas-Schaumburg,IL

Europa Night club and Lounge-Addison,IL
www.facebook.com/europanightclub

Gasthaus Zur Linde-Elgin,IL

Medusa Night Club-Elgin, IL
http://www.medusachicago.com/

Cairo Bar- West Chicago, IL
http://www.cairobar.com/

Exit-Chicago, IL
1315 West North Avenue
Chicago, IL 60642-1513
(773) 395-2700Open Mon-Sat 9pm-4am; Sun 9pm-5am
www.exitchicago.com/

played in cities

Lacota mi

Mellen wi

Oshkosh wi

Rockford il

Elgin il

Moline il

St.Charles il

Chicago il

Schaumburg il

Addison il

Earlville il

West Chicago il

Summit il

Gary in

Oh, and here's one of his 'tunes' - it was a collaboration with someone else:

Soundcloud

[mylon]

i got one

DJing since the tender age of 14, Steve "Tornado" Adler got his start playing at "ragers" - house parties where people drank Knob Creek out of the bottle instead of beer and partied 'til 5 AM to Tornado's mix of hip-hop, house, funk, reggae, and classic party jams. Since 2005, Steve has been playing primarily bass-driven music, especially drum & bass and dubstep. He has opened for D&B favorites Gridlok and Original Sin, dubstep dons Matty G and Silkie and underground sensations Bass Science - among others. Tornado has played at parties alongside Chicago heavy hitters Danny the Wild Child (MIA), Richie August (BroTown, Savory Audio, Betamorph), De La Mota (MIA) and Brandon S. (Furthersound / Dubsaw). In 2011, Steve began promoting "Bassweight" - a night of deep dubstep, grime, and UK Garage. Later in the year, he was asked to join Brut Force, a crew that has pushed underground UK bass music in Chicago since 2000. Influenced by DJs ranging from Andy C to N-Type to Derrick May, Tornado's energetic and eclectic mixes featuring all things bass music make him one of Chicago's DJs to watch.

and yes, i saw that you admitted you had one

[TheTornado]

Parred. I should really just have someone write mine, or fuck off with the idea all together.

[kidshuffle]

This guy did 2 really good parties, 2 sub-par, and 4 that bombed. He still has a residency (where 20-80 people might show up), but that is his rep. I don't know what he's on

[wubstep]

We have a winner.

[zerbaman]

I find these annoying. Kinda pompous for an unknown fucker to chat on about how important his life story is as if anyone genuinely cares isn't it?

The label I usually work with asked me to write one up. I didn't do it.

[hifi]

i got one

DJing since the tender age of 14, Steve "Tornado" Adler got his start playing at "ragers" - house parties where people drank Knob Creek out of the bottle instead of beer and partied 'til 5 AM to Tornado's mix of hip-hop, house, funk, reggae, and classic party jams. Since 2005, Steve has been playing primarily bass-driven music, especially drum & bass and dubstep. He has opened for D&B favorites Gridlok and Original Sin, dubstep dons Matty G and Silkie and underground sensations Bass Science - among others. Tornado has played at parties alongside Chicago heavy hitters Danny the Wild Child (MIA), Richie August (BroTown, Savory Audio, Betamorph), De La Mota (MIA) and Brandon S. (Furthersound / Dubsaw). In 2011, Steve began promoting "Bassweight" - a night of deep dubstep, grime, and UK Garage. Later in the year, he was asked to join Brut Force, a crew that has pushed underground UK bass music in Chicago since 2000. Influenced by DJs ranging from Andy C to N-Type to Derrick May, Tornado's energetic and eclectic mixes featuring all things bass music make him one of Chicago's DJs to watch.

and yes, i saw that you admitted you had one

ahahahahaha

[Sexual_Chocolate]

correct me if im wrong... but being payed makes you a professional, does it not?

(or are you reffering to the amteurish bios?)

[zerbaman]

I think it's about the nobodies who post their info as if they're sombodies.

[knell]

do people actually read those? no one in my side of the industry does, that's for sure.

[zerbaman]

Nah, Just use it as a measure. If someone on soundcloud has whole paragraphs, my general rule is not to follow them back

[gnome]

That track is close to the worst thing I've ever heard.

[borrowed]

correct me if im wrong... but being payed makes you a professional, does it not?

(or are you reffering to the amteurish bios?)

Doing something as a profession, i.e. main source of income, makes you a professional.

[finji]

holy shit, that song

[TheTornado]

People 'round here read them/put them on FB invites etc. so it's been helpful to me. Doesn't make it any less of a terribly embarrassing thing to have to write.

[Pedro Sánchez]

Mine reads...Cheaper than the next guy, I bring a laptop and 2 hot females.

[wilson]

correct me if im wrong... but being payed makes you a professional, does it not?

(or are you reffering to the amteurish bios?)

I got paid to walk dogs once.

Professional dog walker, at your service

[Sexual_Chocolate]

correct me if im wrong... but being payed makes you a professional, does it not?

(or are you reffering to the amteurish bios?)

Doing something as a profession, i.e. main source of income, makes you a professional.

depends whether the job was under the table i suppose, but if your paying taxes then i would consider that to person to be a professional regardless

[tyger]

correct me if im wrong... but being payed makes you a professional, does it not?

(or are you reffering to the amteurish bios?)

Doing something as a profession, i.e. main source of income, makes you a professional.

depends whether the job was under the table i suppose, but if your paying taxes then i would consider that to person to be a professional regardless

so you're not a prostitute if you only do it once? or don't pay tax?

(i need to know for a friend.)

[MikeE]

I had to write one for a gig once, so basically it just goes on about how I "get drunk and play other peoples music" and "harrass the bar staff" while "sometimes going to the toilet"