i need some advice

[constrobuz]

so first a little background information about me. i'm 24 years old, i live with my parents, i work as a walmart greeter to make money for college.

anyways here's my problem. im a virgin. not surprising in my situation right? i cant take a girl to "my place" because chances are as i take my girl to my room shed catch my dad masturbating in the bathroom across the hall with the door open. he does this all the time, it really grosses me out but he is drunk most of the time. if she still made it to my room she'd probably laugh at the amounts of anime clutter i have. posters, countless dvds, dolls, mechs, replica wax resin weapon models, you name it. but i will not give up anime and my personal possessions, they mean a lot to me and are pretty much the only thing that makes me happy.

also, both of my parents treat me like shit. 1st, because of never having a girlfriend, they think i'm a homosexual.i think brad pitt is an amazing actor have some pictures of him over my bed but most guys have pictures of other guys in their rooms? like football players right? 2nd,my dad beats me. my dad is a fireman so hes pretty strong and he wakes me up for work with a punch to the stomach, then laughs at me. i dont think he means to hurt me. my mom says it's just my dad's way of showing he loves me except when i get back from work he throws stuff at me as son as i go through the door, like one time he threw an ash tray at my groin like a frisbee and I peed a blood for like 4 days. 3rd is because of my coworkers

this one day i greeted a customer entering the store and patted him on the back in a friendly way. i usually pat them on the lower back so i have to physically exert myself to much by having to raise my arm too high (i greet everyone that comes in the store). he was kind of tall (and i'm 5' 4" btw) so i may have accidentally patted him on the buttocks. anyways he pushed me over the railing that holds the carts, and i fell in one of the carts and couldnt get out. alll of my coworkers walked by me but they wouildnt help me out and i didnt get out until closing when a friendly black janitor pulled me out after locking the front doors and turning the lights off. he said "hey arent you the little homophobe. that works here?" and then said something about i should give him "head." i didnt understand so i ran home, on the verge of crying, and my back hurt really bad from being in the cart so long.

this is the main problem. all of these things make me very shy and i just have problems trusting people and whenevr i come close to making a friend i end up saying something dumb and messing it all up. so just a few days i met this really great girl at a cosplay. i was dressed up as naruto from naruto and she was haruno sakura from naruto so we immediately had something in common. she is slightly overweight and has acne but i can get past that. anyways i complemented her on her costume and she didn't even walk away from me she complemented me too! so we got to talking and we hit it off i only stuttered a few times. so we were both laughing and having a great time and she invited me to her place so im thinking wow this is awesome maybe she'll give me "head" haha (still dont know what that means). so i follow her and she starts rubbing my leg right? so im thinking wow she's serious and i don't really know what to do myself so i do the same thing. soon we're both pretty much dry humping and rubbing each others privates when i have this terrible feeling. i ate about 4 microwaved hotdogs before i left and the only sauerkraut left in the fridge smelt really bad but sauerkraut is my fav. food so i used it anyways. well i could feel it coming back up and forcing it self down... and out if you get what im trying to say. so we're kissing then out of nowhere i barf in her mouth and i freak out and she freaks out and me getting freaked out makes me loose control of my bowels and i actually shit my pants a little bit and it seeps out of my pants and dripped on the floor. i couldnt believe what i just did i feel like shit i ran home.

this was my first time ever getting close to a girl and i completed screwed it up. i really can't take it anymore i am a failure i'm seriously thinking about killing myself. help me i don't know what to do.

[noam]

may i point you in the direction of bodybuildingforum... ithink you may find it more to your tastes

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 191&page=1

[Light-Stories]

Is that a joke?

the only thing I can think of that might help you is.....

Every time you feel happy and confident touch yourself on the elbow or touch your thumb on middle finger together. If you do this enough, when you feel bad just repeat the action and you will feel happy and confident.

[Light-Stories]

may i point you in the direction of bodybuildingforum... ithink you may find it more to your tastes

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 191&page=1

That is epic.

LMAO

[el-tel]

Hahaha, 24?

Chin your old man and move out.

[AxeD]

Holy f*ck this is kind of hard to believe honestly. If you're not trolling I would recommend
getting personal help, we can't seriously help you with issues like these.

(after reading the last part, I can't believe this.. shit's too weird)

[noam]

he's trolling guys.

[Sexual_Chocolate]

sounds to similair to that bodybuilders forum thread

[constrobuz]

fuck you noam. next time you have a problem see if i help you.

also i didnt read the bodybuilders thing the whole way, seems like the only thing we have in common is pissing and shitting, which everyone does. i didnt make comical ms paints though.

[Raggles]

may i point you in the direction of bodybuildingforum... ithink you may find it more to your tastes

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 191&page=1

That is epic.

LMAO

Holy Shit

[wormcode]

Yeah I thought of that bodybuildingforum post too. Is this copypasta?
Seriously is it?

I mean, you're on the internet but don't know what 'head' is? Surely you watch porn? Even if it's that hentai kind?

Google returned no hits, so I assume it's real or some original content.

[Light-Stories]

killing your self is a bit gimp.

I just checked out your sound cloud and your music is too good for you to die.

I dont think hes trolling because hes using his artist name. Thinking about that maybe I shouldn't use my artist name for the SNHO lol.

[bassbum]

^This is better

[finji]

My advice is, make more tunes like this badmothashutyomouth : Soundcloud

[funjamin]

Hahaha, 24?

Chin your old man and move out.

This.

[hutyluty]

OP should have eaten more spaghetti then he wouldnt have shat himself

[kidshuffle]

eh, i couldn't seem him trolling with this. its not really his game.

first, once you finish college and move out, these situations will magically improve. with regards to the last part of the post, i think you will find this situation hilarious in about 6 months.(also, no more microwaved hot dogs or sourkraught. get dat diet in check)

[Naan_Bread]

Have you looked into forts?

[wobbles]

ok wait wat/

[Electric_Head]

this is lame
sounds like std american sitcom