If you had a teenage kid who was becoming a socially inept..

[OGLemon]

mostly the blatant homophobia and misogyny (for male fedoras). Also the militant side of atheist fedoras shows an unwillingness to be tolerant of other peoples beliefs.

These are probably just stereotypes though.

[legend4ry]

Its kind of just the nerd version of that Redpill bullshit.

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill

I can't even read that for longer than 5 minutes without wanting to punch something.

[OGLemon]

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill

wtf

[RKM]

some angry losers on there

[mks]

..outcast part of an oblivious subculture, what would you as a parent do?

I was a skatepunk kid growing up and I'm sure my parents didn't like the subculture that I was in but at least they didn't make me be some sort of preppy jock or whatever. Something that I was definitely not.

[OGLemon]

I think the most important thing a parent can do is be there and show love to your child.

[test_recordings]

Kids need some kind of guidance from parents but I think my parents would have actually wanted me to be a fedora...

[DrGatineau]

@op honestly i wouldn't say anything to my kid if they were like that. i don't think that would be beneficial for the kid. they would start to have strong doubts about their identity and would lose trust in their parents, wouldn't go to them when they have problems, etc. and that would last a long time. if their fedoraism was strong, they would always see their parents as being critical of them and cold to them, not on their side etc. it would be bad for their self-esteem.

what i would do is get a trusted family member like "the cool uncle/cousin/whatever" or something to say something (subtly) to them. that way they wouldn't take it as personally cause it's not their parents, but the message would still get across and especially if it's from someone they perceive as "cool", it would be more effective.


why do you ask? is there a little genevieve running around that you forgot to tell us about?

[m8son666]

thats very manipulative, i would tell them like a man during their first naked sauna with their old dad

[dickman69]

make him play SPORTS!

[Electric_Head]

Socially inept in who's eyes?
Judging your kid based off of your own skewed moral compass/ abstract ideas of life, is hardly something to encourage.
Allow him his own path and if anything just prevent him from falling flat on his face, even that though is a life lesson in itself.

[Genevieve]

Socially inept in who's eyes?
Judging your kid based off of your own skewed moral compass/ abstract ideas of life, is hardly something to encourage.
Allow him his own path and if anything just prevent him from falling flat on his face, even that though is a life lesson in itself.

Should a kid be lead to believe that he's making no mistakes in forming romantic bonds and just suffer through the bullying (and the likely social phobia that develops from it in adulthood) just so I can say that I'm raising an "individual"?

Why is the parent's moral compass skewed when they're plainly aware that their son has no understanding of how he's perceived by others? How is that not a problem?

[Genevieve]

@op honestly i wouldn't say anything to my kid if they were like that. i don't think that would be beneficial for the kid. they would start to have strong doubts about their identity and would lose trust in their parents, wouldn't go to them when they have problems, etc. and that would last a long time. if their fedoraism was strong, they would always see their parents as being critical of them and cold to them, not on their side etc. it would be bad for their self-esteem.

what i would do is get a trusted family member like "the cool uncle/cousin/whatever" or something to say something (subtly) to them. that way they wouldn't take it as personally cause it's not their parents, but the message would still get across and especially if it's from someone they perceive as "cool", it would be more effective.


why do you ask? is there a little genevieve running around that you forgot to tell us about?

Answer to your post is below.

Hahahaha nah. But when I see all these teenaged fedora atheist warrior types, I often wonder where their parents are in this, since they're taking part in a socially destructive sub culture.

..outcast part of an oblivious subculture, what would you as a parent do?

I think it all depends on how you tell them and what type of relationship you have with your kind beforehand.

I was a skatepunk kid growing up and I'm sure my parents didn't like the subculture that I was in but at least they didn't make me be some sort of preppy jock or whatever. Something that I was definitely not.

Teenagers are always brats, I was. I used to skateboard and bump hardcore punk with friends too. But the subculture isn't one that seems to driven by poor communication skills and an unawareness of how you affect the people around you.

It doesn't reaffirm poor communication with the other sex that can lead to romantic failings and the anxieties that come from that.

I think the most important thing a parent can do is be there and show love to your child.

But surely, if you love your child, you want them to develop into socially conscious adults?

[Electric_Head]

Socially inept in who's eyes?
Judging your kid based off of your own skewed moral compass/ abstract ideas of life, is hardly something to encourage.
Allow him his own path and if anything just prevent him from falling flat on his face, even that though is a life lesson in itself.

Should a kid be lead to believe that he's making no mistakes in forming romantic bonds and just suffer through the bullying (and the likely social phobia that develops from it in adulthood) just so I can say that I'm raising an "individual"?

Why is the parent's moral compass skewed when they're plainly aware that their son has no understanding of how he's perceived by others? How is that not a problem?

I agree in principle.
I think my mindset might be a bit different if my son was in the situation.

Why is the parent's moral compass skewed when they're plainly aware that their son has no understanding of how he's perceived by others? How is that not a problem?

Valid point but what gives the parents the right to make a decision for their kids who may see the world in an entirely different way to their parents?
I'm not saying it's right to be so socially awkward that even your family cringe at you.

[test_recordings]

Being parents gives them the right, to be honest.

[legend4ry]

No one asked them to be parents though, they chose to so who are they to force another human being to be a certain way (or not be..).

My view on parenting is that you should be a positive influence but not a dictator on how you feel life should be. if you do then you're not mature enough to have children.

[Electric_Head]

Being parents gives them the right, to be honest.

I'm a dad of a 14yr old son.
I don't think it's my right to force him to be someone that he isn't.

I was in school with some seriously socially inept kids, one of which is a very successful doctor, fine the other pursued ballet but there's nothing wrong with that either.
Point is, they're mostly successful ppl with very little issues.

Just because you deem another person a geek or whatever term you'd like to use to display your lack of acceptance, doesn't mean it's right.
That being said, I am wording it quite strongly here but I do oppose my own views quite often.

Edit: I'm not saying this thread is showing a lack of acceptance before someone jumps down my throat for that statement.

Side note - I have seen more socially inept parents than kids. I'd be concerned that the parents warped view of reality get's forced onto their kids.

[Genevieve]

Being parents gives them the right, to be honest.

I'm a dad of a 14yr old son.
I don't think it's my right to force him to be someone that he isn't.

Who's talking about forcing them? Parents are their child's training wheels into adulthood when they're teenagers. Parents are part of the way the child sees the world. If the child has a distorted perception of the world, it would be unfair of the parent to not clear their perception up a little and just let them go on as they were. Childhood and teen years are formative to a person's development. When those are plagued by a distorted perception, that can carry long term consequences into adulthood.

Say a kid is bullied, the bullying is wrong and shouldn't take place and the bullies should be held responsible for it. But the kids who are usually bullied often lack proper defenses and coping mechanisms and come across as weak to the bully. You can blame the bullies all you want for the bullying, but they pick the same awkward kid for a reason. Should parents just blame the bully and have their kid go through life making no changes to how they deal with adversity from his peers?

[Genevieve]

Side note - I have seen more socially inept parents than kids. I'd be concerned that the parents warped view of reality get's forced onto their kids.

That I agree with. I come from a socially inept home. My dad never really cared if he bothered other people (in a bad way) and my mom has 0 social skills. I saw early on how the way they behaved wasn't really socially acceptable and I was lucky there, but I know many children pick up a lot of the negative behaviors from their parents.

[ultraspatial]

i'd raise them as hippies so when they'll rebel, they'll do it by getting into sports, law school and crushing their weak beta peers