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Technics Announce New CD-Less USB-Less Turntable That Just Sits There Starting Debates

DJing equipment manufacturers, Technics, have today unveiled their latest turntable – a CD-less, USB-less and vinyl-less deck that just sits there starting debates.

Technics, long the bastion of vinyl only mixing, have claimed they’re bringing out the new deck to regain relevance in the current dance music climate of “moaning about stuff on social media”.

“It doesn’t take usb, cds or records,” explained a Technics’ spokesperson, “it basically just sits there acting as a focal point for the ongoing tedious debate around the use of technology in DJing.”

“This is the next gen of DJing equipment which foregrounds the debate around the capabilities of the equipment rather than the skills of those using it,” continued the announcement. “Those guys are the real experts.”

“I used one last week and I’ve got to tell you, it’s amazing,” offered DJ and blogger, Peter Nugent, “straight away I started questioning the legitimacy of mixing with one format of music storage over another.”

“After about 5 minutes of using it I immediately wrote a thinkpiece on the subject for a broadsheet newspaper that generated a lot of interaction,” continued Peter, “mostly in the form of other discursive thinkpieces – both for and against the deck – and its place on the DJing landscape.”

“And isn’t that what we want from an announcement of a new piece of DJing kit?”

Described as “the most middle class deck yet” it comes with its own wheeled plinth so that budding DJs can bring it to friends’ houses and have people wonder how you actually work it, and if it’ll undermine the art of mixing with the other traditional formats that actually play music and aren’t just conversation starters.

Tentatively called the Technics Pedantic Chin Stroker the deck is expected to be a huge hit with that breed of people who have nothing better to do than debate the merits of formats rather than DJing.

“Keyboard warriors, basically,” explained the spokeperson. “That’s our market now.”

Some people have predictably taken issue with the fact that the new turntable’s only supported function is starting debates and promptly began a debate around the issue before becoming entangled in cycle of unmitigated irony.

The Chin Stroker is expected in stores next summer.

guilty

Later




Much later

She found her real leg in that horses ass?

i wish gene was here

I'm here. Fuck the both of you for your lies.

nice teeth tho

His version of aesthetic dentistry is to leave your teeth alone and fuck up your hair so people look at that instead of your teeth.

describe your teeth!

haven't been to the dentist in the last 3.5 years. by american standards, my teeth are ugly (smoker and I drink too much tea; but I don't like the idea of bleaching my teeth). by european standards, they are okay, I guess? bottom row is a tiny bit crooked though; has always been, and I have a slight overbite.

jrkhnds wrote:describe your teeth!

haven't been to the dentist in the last 3.5 years. by american standards, my teeth are ugly (smoker and I drink too much tea; but I don't like the idea of bleaching my teeth). by european standards, they are okay, I guess? bottom row is a tiny bit crooked though; has always been, and I have a slight overbite.

Most of my top row is fake from knocking them out via skateboarding
I had to get a pretty dodgey job at the time because its so expensive haha

The real ones I have left have def seen some wear from smoking too though.

I think I should prob try to cop that guy's hair cut in the ad now that I think about it

Could always go for the Goldie look doe

I use whitening stripes all the time. white teeth are the ting

that stuff can't be good for you though.

yeah but I look beautiful so who cares

ehbes wrote:yeah but I look beautiful so who cares

Inspiring

im half vampire