Post
by magma » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:37 pm
I've just re-read all the first page because I'm worried this has gone down an unconstructive route, but I think kingGhost kind of nails it above.
On the first page you appear to ask (apologies if I've misunderstood - the posts are kind of difficult to read) if it's "ok" to approach a guy in a club and ask if he DJs because you'd like someone to practise with and whether you'd need to have sex on the table as part of starting a relationship of this type. Let's just look at those two things.
a) Is it normal? Well, not really. It's certainly normal to talk to strangers in clubs and try to make new friends. It's not that normal to open the conversation with your desire to find someone with a shared niche interest that is also willing to sign up on the spot to meeting you every week to practise spinning records. Maybe ask what their name is and what sort of music they're into first. If you only want to meet potential DJ partners the club isn't the best place to try - make use of the Internet. It's amazing. I've done collaborations with girls and boys I've never even met in real life because of these computerised doobreys. If someone approached me and asked me flat out "Do you DJ because I need someone to practise with." I'd think they were a bit strange, but if someone said "Hello, I'm Lesley", I'd say "Hello, I'm Simon" and sometime within the ensuing conversation the fact that we were both bedroom DJs would probably come up fairly naturally. If it was a girl that'd been staring at me across the dancefloor for several months without saying hello, I'd probably run away worrying about whether she was going to follow me home. Just be.... cool... say hello. You don't need to think any further than that.
b) Does Sex have to be on the table? No, of course it doesn't. My friendship group is around 40% female and 60% male, but I see my female friends *much* more than male and two of my four closest, longest standing friends are female. My DJ partner is also female. She doesn't sleep around, doesn't dress provocatively in the slightest and earns a living researching LASERs in a darkened, underground lab - hardly the pornified vacuous slut that you seem to think runs the female world... she doesn't even drink. We met in the smoking area of a noise gig in Bristol where we got talking about quantum physics and rap music... the idea of DJing together only really came up several years into our friendship (see point a about not opening with "HEY, DO YOU WANT TO DJ WITH ME?").
I would be lying through my teeth if I said the thought of sex had never crossed my mind, in fact it did the first evening I ever met her... but I'd also be lying if I said I'd ever had close to the guts required to jeopardise the most important friendship in my life for an hour of carnal pleasure. Guys are able to put things into perspective too, you know.
Sex is never a given and the balance of power to decide whether it's on the table often lies with the woman. Most guys will assume they're in the friend zone until they're told otherwise and unless clear signs are given that a girl is interested, we'll be content with our lot and chase other girls whilst maintaining our platonic friendships. Yes, most guys will have at least considered the idea of sex with almost every girl they know - but that doesn't mean we allow the relationships to be governed by it. The Friend Zone is a well trodden stomping ground - we're all very comfortable within it.
Meus equus tuo altior est
"Let me eat when I'm hungry, let me drink when I'm dry.
Give me dollars when I'm hard up, religion when I die."
nowaysj wrote:I wholeheartedly believe that Michael Brown's mother and father killed him.
her situation..... what the fuck is the situation? A fucking sad one is all I can make up from it.
