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Two more.

When I was 15 I got smashed and decided to dress up in this girls clothes and some gym shorts. I was standing in a bedroom thrusting my hips and making my dick swing about (its bare fun), her mum walked in looked at me funnily and walked out again.

At the same girls house with the tic tac girl we were having sex on the sink when her 5 year old brother walks in.

On a train back through Croydon, I was fucked again, and wearing gym shorts. As a laugh I decided to pitch a tent and see how it would take for people to notice. It was safe to say that people noticed straight away as they were getting on the train. The amount of angry looks from people was kind of scary but I was drunk and let them bask in my glory.

I got quite a few, guessing people would rather read the ones that I don't really find too funny though haha

This one is called 'K Holes and A Holes'

Was a friend's birthday, and I always seen it as a little creepy to directly buy a gift for friends unless if it's family or a loved one etc. However, I do like to show some form of celebration, be it baking a hash cake with a nice little spliff as a candle, or even as simple as buying a pint. One year I had the genious idea, that somehow putting an ecstasy tablet up my arse would qualify as a 'birthday present' to a friend (novelty and also the consequence of having a loved up knobhead talking about suppositry). Sadly I put too much faith in the dealer's pills and got a bit worried after 10 minutes as to why instead of going up, I was infact heading downwards and inwards. "SHIT!" I panic, as my eyes dilate, upon questioning the quality of the pill. Then an all familiar tombing sensation creeps up my colon and I thought "man... It's gotta be fucking Kevin" (Which lead to me trying to inform people that I had to go for a shit and get Kev out of my arsehole, they didn't seem to understand though and thought I was just being weird. Anyway, ended up in the toilet in the spray and pray formation, living in fear of the knowledge that wrongful ketamine administration derives a metabolite called 'norketamine' - the one responsible for the severe numbing of the legs etc. Last thing I remembered, before having some ace dream about being a salmon swimming up a river (was the second time I'd had this trip). Finally got woken up to discover diarrhea in my shoes and on the floor, rather than thinking it was disgusting, it was one of those moments where you feel "FFS genuinely can't be fucking arsed with this situation" so just crawled fully clothed into the shower and rinsed as much as I could... Stayed in the shitter for at least an hour, then returned soaking like Ace Ventura when he fights that shark thinking it could be Snowflake. Before I could even conjure up a story, fools were laughing at the state of me and asked if I'd shit out Kevin and done a trainspotting to try and reclaim it... Seemed easier to just say "HA YEAH!"

So yeah... If it's your Birthday, why not book me and my arsehole instead of a stripper

On a serious note though, don't ever put ketamine up ones own crinkle

FUCKING LOL

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:I got quite a few, guessing people would rather read the ones that I don't really find too funny though haha

This one is called 'K Holes and A Holes'

Was a friend's birthday, and I always seen it as a little creepy to directly buy a gift for friends unless if it's family or a loved one etc. However, I do like to show some form of celebration, be it baking a hash cake with a nice little spliff as a candle, or even as simple as buying a pint. One year I had the genious idea, that somehow putting an ecstasy tablet up my arse would qualify as a 'birthday present' to a friend (novelty and also the consequence of having a loved up knobhead talking about suppositry). Sadly I put too much faith in the dealer's pills and got a bit worried after 10 minutes as to why instead of going up, I was infact heading downwards and inwards. "SHIT!" I panic, as my eyes dilate, upon questioning the quality of the pill. Then an all familiar tombing sensation creeps up my colon and I thought "man... It's gotta be fucking Kevin" (Which lead to me trying to inform people that I had to go for a shit and get Kev out of my arsehole, they didn't seem to understand though and thought I was just being weird. Anyway, ended up in the toilet in the spray and pray formation, living in fear of the knowledge that wrongful ketamine administration derives a metabolite called 'norketamine' - the one responsible for the severe numbing of the legs etc. Last thing I remembered, before having some ace dream about being a salmon swimming up a river (was the second time I'd had this trip). Finally got woken up to discover diarrhea in my shoes and on the floor, rather than thinking it was disgusting, it was one of those moments where you feel "FFS genuinely can't be fucking arsed with this situation" so just crawled fully clothed into the shower and rinsed as much as I could... Stayed in the shitter for at least an hour, then returned soaking like Ace Ventura when he fights that shark thinking it could be Snowflake. Before I could even conjure up a story, fools were laughing at the state of me and asked if I'd shit out Kevin and done a trainspotting to try and reclaim it... Seemed easier to just say "HA YEAH!"

So yeah... If it's your Birthday, why not book me and my arsehole instead of a stripper

On a serious note though, don't ever put ketamine up ones own crinkle

hahahah interesting birthday present! probably hit you so hard because drug absorption is really good through the lining of ya bum bum, so more would reach your bloodstream faster than the usual routes. don't worry about the norketamine, its a less potent metabolite that is formed by liver enzymes no matter which route the drug is taken-in fact rectal ketamine is sometmes given to children in hospital pre-op oooerrr

Oh jeesus, where do I start.


Err, my most embarassing moment...I must have been 15 or 16 and came home from school to find my old man sitting at my computer as I turned the corner to see what he was actually doing, I almost died.

My old man was staring at some hentai I had downloaded the previous night(my tastes in porn have since changed), with some chick with two dildos for arms fisting two school girls in typical japanese screaming fashion. This wasnt even the worst part, moments later we cut to a scene with about 20 guys wanking off to another school girl, followed by cumshots.

And my excuse?....A virus must have downloaded this onto my computer -.-

fc wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:I got quite a few, guessing people would rather read the ones that I don't really find too funny though haha

This one is called 'K Holes and A Holes'

Was a friend's birthday, and I always seen it as a little creepy to directly buy a gift for friends unless if it's family or a loved one etc. However, I do like to show some form of celebration, be it baking a hash cake with a nice little spliff as a candle, or even as simple as buying a pint. One year I had the genious idea, that somehow putting an ecstasy tablet up my arse would qualify as a 'birthday present' to a friend (novelty and also the consequence of having a loved up knobhead talking about suppositry). Sadly I put too much faith in the dealer's pills and got a bit worried after 10 minutes as to why instead of going up, I was infact heading downwards and inwards. "SHIT!" I panic, as my eyes dilate, upon questioning the quality of the pill. Then an all familiar tombing sensation creeps up my colon and I thought "man... It's gotta be fucking Kevin" (Which lead to me trying to inform people that I had to go for a shit and get Kev out of my arsehole, they didn't seem to understand though and thought I was just being weird. Anyway, ended up in the toilet in the spray and pray formation, living in fear of the knowledge that wrongful ketamine administration derives a metabolite called 'norketamine' - the one responsible for the severe numbing of the legs etc. Last thing I remembered, before having some ace dream about being a salmon swimming up a river (was the second time I'd had this trip). Finally got woken up to discover diarrhea in my shoes and on the floor, rather than thinking it was disgusting, it was one of those moments where you feel "FFS genuinely can't be fucking arsed with this situation" so just crawled fully clothed into the shower and rinsed as much as I could... Stayed in the shitter for at least an hour, then returned soaking like Ace Ventura when he fights that shark thinking it could be Snowflake. Before I could even conjure up a story, fools were laughing at the state of me and asked if I'd shit out Kevin and done a trainspotting to try and reclaim it... Seemed easier to just say "HA YEAH!"

So yeah... If it's your Birthday, why not book me and my arsehole instead of a stripper

On a serious note though, don't ever put ketamine up ones own crinkle

hahahah interesting birthday present! probably hit you so hard because drug absorption is really good through the lining of ya bum bum, so more would reach your bloodstream faster than the usual routes. don't worry about the norketamine, its a less potent metabolite that is formed by liver enzymes no matter which route the drug is taken-in fact rectal ketamine is sometmes given to children in hospital pre-op oooerrr

blahblah will be really offended that you tried to teach him, HIM, about drugs....

Astral wrote:Oh jeesus, where do I start.


Err, my most embarassing moment...I must have been 15 or 16 and came home from school to find my old man sitting at my computer as I turned the corner to see what he was actually doing, I almost died.

My old man was staring at some hentai I had downloaded the previous night(my tastes in porn have since changed), with some chick with two dildos for arms fisting two school girls in typical japanese screaming fashion. This wasnt even the worst part, moments later we cut to a scene with about 20 guys wanking off to another school girl, followed by cumshots.

And my excuse?....A virus must have downloaded this onto my computer -.-

I think we've all been there. My most shameful moment was my mum telling my nan I had a really weird and perverted taste in things when I was 10 >_>

Astral wrote:Oh jeesus, where do I start.


Err, my most embarassing moment...I must have been 15 or 16 and came home from school to find my old man sitting at my computer as I turned the corner to see what he was actually doing, I almost died.

My old man was staring at some hentai I had downloaded the previous night(my tastes in porn have since changed), with some chick with two dildos for arms fisting two school girls in typical japanese screaming fashion. This wasnt even the worst part, moments later we cut to a scene with about 20 guys wanking off to another school girl, followed by cumshots.

And my excuse?....A virus must have downloaded this onto my computer -.-

I thought you were going to say he was wanking.

hackman wrote:

fc wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:I got quite a few, guessing people would rather read the ones that I don't really find too funny though haha

This one is called 'K Holes and A Holes'

Was a friend's birthday, and I always seen it as a little creepy to directly buy a gift for friends unless if it's family or a loved one etc. However, I do like to show some form of celebration, be it baking a hash cake with a nice little spliff as a candle, or even as simple as buying a pint. One year I had the genious idea, that somehow putting an ecstasy tablet up my arse would qualify as a 'birthday present' to a friend (novelty and also the consequence of having a loved up knobhead talking about suppositry). Sadly I put too much faith in the dealer's pills and got a bit worried after 10 minutes as to why instead of going up, I was infact heading downwards and inwards. "SHIT!" I panic, as my eyes dilate, upon questioning the quality of the pill. Then an all familiar tombing sensation creeps up my colon and I thought "man... It's gotta be fucking Kevin" (Which lead to me trying to inform people that I had to go for a shit and get Kev out of my arsehole, they didn't seem to understand though and thought I was just being weird. Anyway, ended up in the toilet in the spray and pray formation, living in fear of the knowledge that wrongful ketamine administration derives a metabolite called 'norketamine' - the one responsible for the severe numbing of the legs etc. Last thing I remembered, before having some ace dream about being a salmon swimming up a river (was the second time I'd had this trip). Finally got woken up to discover diarrhea in my shoes and on the floor, rather than thinking it was disgusting, it was one of those moments where you feel "FFS genuinely can't be fucking arsed with this situation" so just crawled fully clothed into the shower and rinsed as much as I could... Stayed in the shitter for at least an hour, then returned soaking like Ace Ventura when he fights that shark thinking it could be Snowflake. Before I could even conjure up a story, fools were laughing at the state of me and asked if I'd shit out Kevin and done a trainspotting to try and reclaim it... Seemed easier to just say "HA YEAH!"

So yeah... If it's your Birthday, why not book me and my arsehole instead of a stripper

On a serious note though, don't ever put ketamine up ones own crinkle

hahahah interesting birthday present! probably hit you so hard because drug absorption is really good through the lining of ya bum bum, so more would reach your bloodstream faster than the usual routes. don't worry about the norketamine, its a less potent metabolite that is formed by liver enzymes no matter which route the drug is taken-in fact rectal ketamine is sometmes given to children in hospital pre-op oooerrr

blahblah will be really offended that you tried to teach him, HIM, about drugs....

Not at all man! I'm no authority, plus a little sparkle sparkled that there's other people fascinated! Main reason I'll only sniff Kevin these days in the vein hope most of it reaches the receptors without the detour of Mr Liver and the cytochrome enzymes... Oral/anal (FLOL!!!11) admin yields little actual ketamine action
Did you like my story hackman? Wanna hire me as a family xmas present?

On another note... Maybe we should spruce up this topic by saying how we've embarrassed other people. When we were 16 one of my mates was acting real cool in Boots cos he was buying condoms, thought I'd be a clever shit at the checkout and improvised to be his boyfriend but he didn't find it funny at all. Actually that just embarrassed me

i'm just playin
and yes, your story made me LOL

i don't know if this is the worst, but it's bad. i work for a bank at a cubicle right where the in/out door is. i look up when anyone walks by out of habit/whatever. so, there's a new guy there that talks to the sports man crew. those guys know i'm gay from myspace/fb. i listen to Rinse FM/Sub FM/mp3s/flacs with Sennheiser IE8s. the bass is real good, so sometimes i make bassfaces, smile, or even laugh to myself! Pokes is hilarious, right? well, i got taken upstairs to sit with the bosses and talk about how i'm making the new guy uncomfortable. he says i keep looking up and sometimes i have a weird smile on my face. they warned me that i could get fired for sexual harassment! this was today! fml.

1. Urm....Went up2 London the night before Notting Hill Carnival. Went to a sisters friends for a BBQ, barely ate anything all day, had some beers and then they brought out the weed...THey ask me "Do you smoke?" - "Nah not anymore really, but used to" ((now...when I was younger my mates and me only used to smoke solid)..So I hit it pretty hard ...*cue passing out* next thing I know, I wake up, sitting on a chair, my sisters arm round me in floods of tears. "You passed out" - No I didn't! "You did....here drink this water" - Stop crying, I'm fine - *cue passing out again*.

2. There's a photo out there of me passed out drunk on my bed with my hand down my pants.

3. Me and mates start up a Sunday League footie team. 1st friendly, 1min 30secs in, double cramp in my calves. Absolute agony. Had to sit out the rest of the match.

I'll see if I can think of more.

brent wrote:i don't know if this is the worst, but it's bad. i work for a bank at a cubicle right where the in/out door is. i look up when anyone walks by out of habit/whatever. so, there's a new guy there that talks to the sports man crew. those guys know i'm gay from myspace/fb. i listen to Rinse FM/Sub FM/mp3s/flacs with Sennheiser IE8s. the bass is real good, so sometimes i make bassfaces, smile, or even laugh to myself! Pokes is hilarious, right? well, i got taken upstairs to sit with the bosses and talk about how i'm making the new guy uncomfortable. he says i keep looking up and sometimes i have a weird smile on my face. they warned me that i could get fired for sexual harassment! this was today! fml.

Hahaha. Next work night out you should get him right smashed and fling it up his arse then lets see how uncomfortable he is.

This thread still makes me cry tears of laughter...

hah whilst on the topic of the football game... My brother got really into 5 a side football, played his first game ever as the goalkeeper, lost 17-0 and broke his arm

haha

bluh blup

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote: On another note... Maybe we should spruce up this topic by saying how we've embarrassed other people. When we were 16 one of my mates was acting real cool in Boots cos he was buying condoms, thought I'd be a clever shit at the checkout and improvised to be his boyfriend but he didn't find it funny at all. Actually that just embarrassed me

ok then, it's time to unleash the story which is legend amongst my friends, known as 'cv sabotage'...
everyone was round at my mates house, who was at the time looking for employment (some fancy job in IT, not flipping burgers like)
his laptop was on and people were messing around with it putting tunes on etc
foolishly he had left a file on the desktop marked 'CV'
someone opened it, randomly added the words FUCK OFF and PAEDO about halfway down and re-saved it
a few weeks later he got a call from a company asking him to please remove the swearwords from his cv and then resubmit it
...he went fucking apeshit as he had sent loads off
we all pissed ourselves
a happy ending though, that company offered him the job in the end, pretty sound of them i thought

fc - haha intense! Always good when your mates can take a laugh

We did something similar, only not with a CV but with my brother's housemate's final year presentation. He was a German dude studying business over here, left it til the last minute and took advantage of my brother being a softy and got him to do most it at the last minute... So we intervened and stuck this beauty as page 5 or something:


*Scroll down for drama*














* bit more...*












Almost there....















HELLO!



He went fucking mad though!

fc wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote: On another note... Maybe we should spruce up this topic by saying how we've embarrassed other people. When we were 16 one of my mates was acting real cool in Boots cos he was buying condoms, thought I'd be a clever shit at the checkout and improvised to be his boyfriend but he didn't find it funny at all. Actually that just embarrassed me

ok then, it's time to unleash the story which is legend amongst my friends, known as 'cv sabotage'...
everyone was round at my mates house, who was at the time looking for employment (some fancy job in IT, not flipping burgers like)
his laptop was on and people were messing around with it putting tunes on etc
foolishly he had left a file on the desktop marked 'CV'
someone opened it, randomly added the words FUCK OFF and PAEDO about halfway down and re-saved it
a few weeks later he got a call from a company asking him to please remove the swearwords from his cv and then resubmit it
...he went fucking apeshit as he had sent loads off
we all pissed ourselves
a happy ending though, that company offered him the job in the end, pretty sound of them i thought

Ive done something like this...... At my old job my boss was writing up a health and safety manual for new employees. When he went to lunch I added phrases such as "I feel slightly gay today" and "my mother is a man, she beats my pasty" randomly into the text.

JFK wrote:

fc wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote: On another note... Maybe we should spruce up this topic by saying how we've embarrassed other people. When we were 16 one of my mates was acting real cool in Boots cos he was buying condoms, thought I'd be a clever shit at the checkout and improvised to be his boyfriend but he didn't find it funny at all. Actually that just embarrassed me

ok then, it's time to unleash the story which is legend amongst my friends, known as 'cv sabotage'...
everyone was round at my mates house, who was at the time looking for employment (some fancy job in IT, not flipping burgers like)
his laptop was on and people were messing around with it putting tunes on etc
foolishly he had left a file on the desktop marked 'CV'
someone opened it, randomly added the words FUCK OFF and PAEDO about halfway down and re-saved it
a few weeks later he got a call from a company asking him to please remove the swearwords from his cv and then resubmit it
...he went fucking apeshit as he had sent loads off
we all pissed ourselves
a happy ending though, that company offered him the job in the end, pretty sound of them i thought

Ive done something like this...... At my old job my boss was writing up a health and safety manual for new employees. When he went to lunch I added phrases such as "I feel slightly gay today" and "my mother is a man, she beats my pasty" randomly into the text.

ace

Probably the worst thing happened to me was this:

I went to Canada the winter before last and met alot of new friends. Quite late on in the season I was out in some bar with some of the people I'd met, chatting to this guy from Scotland. He was sat next to some girl who was quite hot.....

I leant over to him and said "whos that girl next to you? She's ridiculously fit" only to get the response "thats my little sister..........."

Needless to say I was mortified and many apologies and drinks were given to him after that lol. A lesson learned, find out who people are before stating how hot you find them