anti-jokes

[murky21]

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

We are both lawyers.



Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

[particle-jim]

Whats the difference between a car and a speedboat?

Several thousand pounds

[wub]

Three nuns were sat on a park bench when a man flashed them. Two had a stroke, the third suffered a pulmonary embolism. All three were taken to hospital.

[Forum]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

[wub]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

Because he heard that Mala once crossed a road just like it.

[murky21]

A Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"
The Horse replies, "I have AIDs."

ah man i'v heard this a million times before but still lol every time

[particle-jim]

You know whats odd?

Every other number

[Sexual_Chocolate]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

to meet his dealer

[Terpit]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

For a full on vaginal fuck

[Electric_Head]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

A road by definition is there to be crossed.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a Sonika which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of Boy-man virtue? In such a manner is the
princely Sonika's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the Sonika crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with Sonika and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let him take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded his
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual Sonika cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
Sonika found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "Sonika" and "road", and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether Sonika crossed the road or the road crossed
Sonika depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize his potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own Sonika-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented human biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because he could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: He didn't cross the road; he transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal sonika-principle made him do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road Sonika
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause he (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably he
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of his crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a full on vaginal fuck!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want his mother to see him like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a Sonika's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild full on vaginal fuck.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known Sonika for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This Sonika's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a Sonika in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a boy.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.

[Sonika]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

A road by definition is there to be crossed.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a Sonika which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of Boy-man virtue? In such a manner is the
princely Sonika's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the Sonika crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with Sonika and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let him take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded his
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual Sonika cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
Sonika found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "Sonika" and "road", and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether Sonika crossed the road or the road crossed
Sonika depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize his potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own Sonika-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented human biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because he could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: He didn't cross the road; he transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal sonika-principle made him do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road Sonika
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause he (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably he
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of his crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a full on vaginal fuck!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want his mother to see him like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a Sonika's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild full on vaginal fuck.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known Sonika for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This Sonika's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a Sonika in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a boy.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.

bored at work?


if it wasnt obnoxiously long I would sig this all

[Electric_Head]

nah, 2nd result in google for 'the road philosophy'
I took out chicken and added Sonika and other stuff

I resent the obnoxious part.

[Sexual_Chocolate]

dont tell him that... it will end up as his fucking sig.

[Gewze]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

For a full on vaginal fuck

[BonerJams04]

sinika sig eh's post plz

[Terpit]

Knock knock.
Whos there?
Jehova's Witnesses

[Phigure]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

For a full on vaginal fuck

only acceptable answer

[Terpit]

Why did the clown go to prison?

For his collection of child pornography.

[Terpit]

Why do orphans go bowling?

It distracts them from the emotional pain of abandonment.

[nousd]

Why did Sonika cross the road?

A road by definition is there to be crossed.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a Sonika which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of Boy-man virtue? In such a manner is the
princely Sonika's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the Sonika crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with Sonika and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let him take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded his
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual Sonika cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
Sonika found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "Sonika" and "road", and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether Sonika crossed the road or the road crossed
Sonika depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize his potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own Sonika-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented human biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because he could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: He didn't cross the road; he transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal sonika-principle made him do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road Sonika
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause he (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably he
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of his crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a full on vaginal fuck!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want his mother to see him like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a Sonika's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild full on vaginal fuck.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known Sonika for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This Sonika's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a Sonika in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a boy.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.

Man, how long have you been preparing this commentary?
I'm printing it out.
Truly impressive EH.