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What where you doing with the money, Lace?

That does remind me of something.

A couple of years ago, for a school project, I baked and sold cookies to make money for greenpeace. I never gave it to them, but I did try as soon as possible ( I included this part of the story in the presentation I had to make), what stopped me was their security not admitting unscheduled visits and then being too lazy to visit once I'd made the presentation.

What I didn't tell my teacher and classmates was that I spent the money on a Mount Kimbie ticket, a year later.


Also, my cookies were shit and I gave myself the runs with the one I sampled during the baking process. Actually sold them to a young mother with a very young infant, which I still struggle to make eye contact with her, or him, over to this day.

When I was about 10 I walked past my Grandmother's phone when it rang so I figured I'd answer it. It was a guy asking to book a suite in a hotel.... obviously a wrong number, but, and I still have no idea to this day what possessed me, instead of telling him to redial, I took all his details and told him we'd look forward to his and his wife's visit.

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magma wrote:When I was about 10 I walked past my Grandmother's phone when it rang so I figured I'd answer it. It was a guy asking to book a suite in a hotel.... obviously a wrong number, but, and I still have no idea to this day what possessed me, instead of telling him to redial, I took all his details and told him we'd look forward to his and his wife's visit.

Most of everyone's stories trigger a recall of some similar fucked up shit I did. I'm with you there lace.

But this one magma. I was a kid, at home, the phone rang, we used to get a lot of wrong numbers, but it was a wrong number, and the lady had a really grandmotherly voice. Before I could say wrong number and hang up she called me by my name, xxx, and it caught me off guard, I started playing it off like I was her xxx, but after a few minutes she was like xxx, you sound different, is everything okay? I dropped my voice an octave and was like, "xxx is dead, I buried him in the backyard!" As I was hanging up, I could hear her gasping on the other end.

Terrible.

Pretty minor, but when I was seven my mum took me to a conference for refugees in our borough. Long story, which I can't remember, short I took a plate of kidney beans and mushed it in a young Somali girl's face and hair and everyone in the conference just froze and stared at us as she broke down crying.
At another one she took me to I managed to cut the PA system and some lighting halfway through a pretty captivating speech. Not sure if I did it on accident or not.

nowaysj wrote:

magma wrote:When I was about 10 I walked past my Grandmother's phone when it rang so I figured I'd answer it. It was a guy asking to book a suite in a hotel.... obviously a wrong number, but, and I still have no idea to this day what possessed me, instead of telling him to redial, I took all his details and told him we'd look forward to his and his wife's visit.

Most of everyone's stories trigger a recall of some similar fucked up shit I did. I'm with you there lace.

But this one magma. I was a kid, at home, the phone rang, we used to get a lot of wrong numbers, but it was a wrong number, and the lady had a really grandmotherly voice. Before I could say wrong number and hang up she called me by my name, xxx, and it caught me off guard, I started playing it off like I was her xxx, but after a few minutes she was like xxx, you sound different, is everything okay? I dropped my voice an octave and was like, "xxx is dead, I buried him in the backyard!" As I was hanging up, I could hear her gasping on the other end.

Terrible.

Haha, that's brilliant/abhorrent.

Where does such behavior come from?

In that instant, where I went from "Wrong number", to "How is everything?" I felt the pivot in my thoughts, a bottleneck, but why?

the penial gland ?

From the very core of the uterus.

i only listened to Ready to Die for the first time this january

not going to respond with a big pun, but that one is a biggie

I'll respond with a big pun then

LACE wrote:

OGLemon wrote:

LACE wrote:alright i guess it's time.

when i was 7 i went around the neighborhood door to door to ''collect money for the kids in the hospital''..

there were no kids, there was no hospital..i stashed the money all to myself.

how much did you make?

nothing big, around 50 dollars. i had these weird money making schemes. i'd also draw pictures and try to sell them to my neighbors

I used to go to my neighbours' gardens, pick all their flowers and then tried selling them the lovely bouquet.

what does Boriqua mean btw?

It's the original name for the people and place of Puerto Rico before they were colonized.

No, I didn't know that off the top of my head, I looked it up.

Two friends and I once snuck into the national zoo in DC. We did it at night when it was closed through a back gate and tried to head for the outdoor aquarium section. When we got down there we took a group selfie in front of a camera, smoked a jack, and the next day I boarded a plane to london. Upon landing, security asked me a bunch of questions and on my way to the arrivals lobby I was pulled aside again and questioned. I was paranoid about that for a solid two weeks afterwards.

jesslem wrote:What where you doing with the money, Lace?

well see..being seven and having a partner who couldn't keep her fuckin mouth shut..

we got caught.

my mom took the money (who knows what she did with it) and called one of her cop friends to tell me how if i kept this kind of shit up i'd be going to jail..etc lol.

you know that scared straight routine. i guess it worked at the time.

Just came out of a big box hardware store (home depot for those stateside) and my daughter and I were carrying stuff out (no bags in the bay area anymore, it is totally awesome), and I asked my daughter to hold the receipt, she started putting it in her pocket, and I was like, keep it out. She was like, why? I, in a hurry and a generally brusk dad (I hate shlepping shit), was like, just do it! So we're walking out, and I'm like, we have to keep our receipt out, so the store knows that we bought this shit, otherwise, you could just grab stuff off the shelf and walk out. INSTANTLY she goes, well, you could just keep an old receipt, go to the shelves get what you want and walk out... age nine is already seeing paths towards petty larceny. She is sweet and is smart as a tack, much smarter than her dad, which is quite a feat , 4.0 student, but at age 9 that vision has already cast its gaze on the darkness.

nowaysj wrote:Just came out of a big box hardware store (home depot for those stateside) and my daughter and I were carrying stuff out (no bags in the bay area anymore, it is totally awesome), and I asked my daughter to hold the receipt, she started putting it in her pocket, and I was like, keep it out. She was like, why? I, in a hurry and a generally brusk dad (I hate shlepping shit), was like, just do it! So we're walking out, and I'm like, we have to keep our receipt out, so the store knows that we bought this shit, otherwise, you could just grab stuff off the shelf and walk out. INSTANTLY she goes, well, you could just keep an old receipt, go to the shelves get what you want and walk out... age nine is already seeing paths towards petty larceny. She is sweet and is smart as a tack, much smarter than her dad, which is quite a feat , 4.0 student, but at age 9 that vision has already cast its gaze on the darkness.

can't wait to see my daughter at age 9