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Raggles wrote:

Neptune wrote:I was about 13. My friends and I went to the cinema in Bayswater, then after went and got something to eat. We went to McDonalds, and for some unknown reason I ordered a large Big Tasty meal. It was big. Very big, but I finished it (I hate wasting food). We were waiting at the bus stop, and all of a sudden my stomach takes a turn for the worse. I start panicking because the bus had arrived (couldn't go back for a toilet) and it takes me 40 minutes plus to get home from Bayswater. Got on the bus, and I was in sooo much pain. It started to get beyond my control so I started to fart. Really loud. Nearly all the bottom deck of the bus was looking at me and laughing. The guy I was sitting next to moved because they smelt so much. My friends still tease me about this, and I still get embarassed. And this was 7 years ago!

I missed the part where you shit yourself.

Anyways! I was in 7th grade I believe and it about mid-day. I already started my day with an unsettled stomach. So lunch time comes around and my friends and I are sitting at the table and this fart comes out of nowhere. This was the most fowl thing I've ever smelt. So lunch time is starting to come to an end and I notice the smell is still persistent but I still didn't realize I had shit myself. After lunch I we go back to class and on the way there I notice a war liquid surrounding my arse hole. ...and that's when I realized that I shit myself. But the worst is still to come. I got back to class and told my teacher I wasn't feeling well and she sent me to the clinic so I could be sent home. Well...it turns out no relative could pick me up so I had to get my neighbors girlfriend to pick me up...
Midway home, the woman says "Sorry it smells like shit in here, my cat threw up in here and it didn't clean well."
Her and I both know cats don't belong in cars.

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

BNanni wrote:Edit: Removed as this it was painfully embarrassing to read back

johney wrote:

BNanni wrote:Edit: Removed as this was painfully embarrassing to read back

I am very intrigued...

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

ehbrums1 wrote:

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

did you finish?

noam wrote:

ehbrums1 wrote:

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

did you finish?

silly question

she did ofcourse

ehbrums1 wrote:

noam wrote:

ehbrums1 wrote:

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

did you finish?

silly question

she did ofcourse

ah should have known..

Electric_Head wrote:the PAAAAAIN!!!!

JTMMusicuk wrote:dad walks in when fapping, i manage to pull my pants up before he walks in but he tries to stand and talk to me for a while about some crap and for some reason i felt really uncomfortable about him being there so i needed him out of the room
but for some reason the words that came out my mouth were 'Dad man i was watchin porn' while he was mid sentence
... we didnt speak of it again

laurent__duval wrote:when i was 18 i snapped my banjo string while shagging my then girlfriend. i was stood, bleeding cock in hand over the sink saying things like "what do i do? it wont stop bleeding!". my girlfriend decides to call her mate and get some advice claiming "she'll know what to do, she's good with stuff like this", i'm not happy about this but my knob is dripping blood like a running tap so there's not much i can do about it. she gets through to her friend, explains the situation, the friend is at a party with a load of mutual friends, but people i dont know too well and certainly not people i'm comfortable with sharing my current predicament. the friend on the phone decides to get the groups advice, turns the music of shouts out whats happened to a room full of people, everyone bursts out laughing, i never live it down. bad times.

magma wrote:

parkour_nico wrote:(Context) About 7 years ago I was working as a greenkeeper for a local golf club, which was around a six mile cycle from my house. Every other weekend we had to go in stupidly early to prep the course for the morning play (had to get there for 6am!)
Anyhow my girlfriend, my best bud and I had acquired a large bag of loose bloo's which we were steadily consuming over the course of the Friday night, along with several biffs and beers; I remember at about 1am that I'm meant to be in work in 5 hours, so after much addled deliberation, we decided the best option would be for us not to go to sleep, at the time seeming the most logical conclusion.
I remember getting to the course and attempting to start up one of the machines and drive/wobble it into the nearest bunker, at which point the head greenkeeper must have seen something was amiss, as he helped me off the machine and thrust a rake into my hand, so I waltzed off smiling, a source of great amusement for my co-workers/members.
The next thing I remember was waking up at home sprawled out fully clothed at the bottom of the bed, gradually come to and my lady realises my bike hadn't made it home with me After about an hour of summing up the courage to ring my parents to let them know I'd lost another bike, I ring my mum only for her to tell me the bike was at their house, which was on the way home from the golf course to mine.
Apparently I had called in to theirs at 8am for no reason, and start spouting incoherent ramblings about losing my lady at some rave (fictional) down our local park/dene, so start hammering their housephone trying to reach her, while drifting in and out of sleep at the foot of their stairs. My brother surfaces and is obviously concerned about my 'missing' girlfriend, offering to go down the park with me to try and find her, which just added to my already ridiculous confusion.
Inevitably my parents wouldn't let me cycle back home, despite somehow making it 6 miles and back in more or less one piece, so drove me home, where I passed out, with absolutely NO memory of the morning's antics, all of this was explained to me the following day by my family. Having to try and offer an explanation for these events to my family and co-workers is definitely the most embarrassing thing I've ever experienced!

I've reached uncontrollable giggles now.... must.... stop.... reading....

JTMMusicuk wrote:

Volatile Psycle wrote:When i was around 15 I had bunk beds in my room but noone slept on the bottom, just if i had mates round etc.

Anyway one night i woke up in the middle of the night with a rage-on so i did what any 15 year old lad would do.....fap.
But to my horror, after some fapping I heard my mums voice "James, what you doing up there".....

she'd only got into the bottom bunk whilst i was asleep because my dad was snoring so bad.

danger wank