Re: I'm A Failure...
Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 8:16 pm
Yeah I know what you're talking about. It's the same idea as when someone worries about the outcome of something that is going to happen in their future, and that event gives them anxiety. This can be anything from a forthcoming job interview, to asking out a girl they like. Maybe they hadnt succeeded at a similar task in the past, and theyll use that as frame of reference as to the type of outcome they should expect.
Thanks! Yeah, i totally agree, i'm still dealing with abit of mine also. I still find myself getting anxious when meeting new people and avoiding revision/study when i should be doing it as i find myself getting very anxious about performance. My faulty way of reasoning towards avoidance says that if i study hard and fail, i'll be more effected than if i can rationalise it by saying "i could have done better if i studied harder" which is pretty much self deception there lol. My past has already proved that, although avoiding anxiety provoking situations may be a pleasant relief in the short term, it pretty much leaves you fucked in the long term as you cause yourself to miss out on essential learning opportunities. I guess its always most helpful to try and stick to challenging my anxieties by challenging my thoughts on a situation since the feelings are product of the thoughts. Definitely agree with what you say about what you gain, even if you don't succeed the first time, try and take as much as you can to learn from for next time and also importantly, think back to the anxiety that wanted you to avoid and challenge it, asking "was that really a rational level of anxiety for what i was doing", if that makes any sense lol.
Problem with this is, you're probably not the same person you were back then so you shouldnt expect the same outcome. The past is dead and only influences the future if you let it.
Most people will avoid the situation, justifying away their inaction, blaming some outside influence. Or they won't face the situation until the last minute, then go spaz when the moment comes and sabotage themselves, then kick themselves later.
Or theyll be anxious the whole time leading up to the situation, work their ass off get a good outcome and go, hey that wasn't so bad. Or theyll work their ass off, won't get the outcome they wanted and go, i'm a fucking idiot for working so hard.
A good mindset to have, like in regards to your test is: 'If I study hard, I can still bomb this test, the professor may just be a d*ck. But I have a better chance of getting a good grade than a bad grade if I study hard. So let me do my best studying, and even if I bomb, fuck it, I studied as hard as I could, there was really nothing more I could possibly do.'
Because you studied your hardest, you realize their was nothing more you can do, and you start to detach from the outcome. Even if you bomb the test (which you won't) you're conscience will be completely clear, and you won't beat up on yourself because you realized that you made the right decision and was as prepared as you could possibly be.
So the question to ask yourself is 'What action can I take RIGHT NOW, that will move me closer to the outcome I desire'
Kudos to you though man, just from what you type its obvious you have an excellent sense of self, so long as you keep it up and continually better yourself, you'll get the success you seek.
, same goes for you!
