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BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:-Mashed as fuck once, struggling to make a fry up for a few mates after a club night, cracking eggs for frying and a stillborn chicken fell into the pan

Best one yet. Fucking vile

brasco wrote:

Motorway to Roswell wrote:

TL_ wrote:
This girl and her fiancée were having sex, and he decided it was a good idea to put some chocolate buttons in before he had sex with her. He then had sex while they were inside her, then after decided to eat the chocolate buttons. While doing so he ate a "squidgy bit" (that was how it was described to me). A week or so later he got this massive throat infection, which he went to the doctors to see about. Turned out that the "squidgy bit" was actually a genital wart.

That is fucked.

x 100

Must be an urban myth. I heard this so many times. But with fruit pastilles instead of chocolate. Also how the fuck do genital warts just fall off?

gnome wrote:Also how the fuck do genital warts just fall off?

This.

this one's probably happened to a few of us.

i was jerkin my gerkin one night, sitting at the computer, watching some redtube.

felt a tingling sensation coming on, leaned back in my chair (as to catch the spunk on my stomach, easiest place for me to clean it from)

and POW




shot myself IN my open mouth.

in case you're wondering, it tastes something like salt and peroxide from what i remember.

maybe that's just my diet....

That is something that I would never post on a public forum

Coppola wrote:That is something that I would never post on a public forum

This.

wait. why?

bokatordubstep wrote:this one's probably happened to a few of us.

i was jerkin my gerkin one night, sitting at the computer, watching some redtube.

felt a tingling sensation coming on, leaned back in my chair (as to catch the spunk on my stomach, easiest place for me to clean it from)

and POW




shot myself IN my open mouth.

in case you're wondering, it tastes something like salt and peroxide from what i remember.

maybe that's just my diet....

I swear you are the funniest motherfucker on planet Earth man I read through your old posts when I feel like shit.

That one where you wrote about accidently back handing your gf whilst boning her was hilarious.....

Here it is just in case anybody missed it the first time round:

bokatordubstep wrote:was boning my ex one time and for some reason instead of having one hand on either side of her head for support, i had both hands on the left side.
well i went to shift my left hand back to the left side and accidentally backhanded the shit out of her. she had a black eye for a while.

we were gettin at it HARD one time at my room in my parents house, hadn't seen her for like a week so we had pent up tension i guess. so i was punishing her from behind, arm of the futon smacking the wall with every thrust, and then just as im cumming i hear my mom's voice thru the door "david, you guys need to keep it down..."


just hearing your own mother say your name as your spooging is such an awkward feeling.

Genital warts will fall off when they've expired. Maybe she'd applied some cream and just waiting for them to vacate. Also, you don't actually need to eat a wart to welcome its virus into your body haha

Anyway, that story reminds me of a JOKE my dad told me about shagging a prostitute twice, with the first time being horrible - dry as fuck and rough, but the second being super lubed and streamlined. Turned out the prostitute had syphilis, the first shag was dry scabs but by the second they'd all burst open

Hah when I had some gimpy lip piercings I actually lost one inside a girl. Got it back a week later - just in time before the piercing hole healed up again haha

Here's an story of the awesome side of disgusting:
Involved LSD and camping on a clifftop, for some reason I climbed about 5 metres up a tree to take a shit (there was a prime toilet-shaped set of branches) was a glorious dump until I looked down to see a proper ghetto 1980's boombox in the middle of my art. My first (and retardly illogical drug induced) assumption was that it'd come out of me, so I was sat up in a tree with no kecks on laughing my tits off and shouting at my mate 'come check this out!'. Was one of those epic universal drug bonding sessions, when his first comment was "haha as if, when did you eat that ghetto blaster?". Shit story, but it's a great feeling when disgust mutates into pride, satisfaction and awe

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:Genital warts will fall off when they've expired. Maybe she'd applied some cream and just waiting for them to vacate. Also, you don't actually need to eat a wart to welcome its virus into your body haha

Anyway, that story reminds me of a JOKE my dad told me about shagging a prostitute twice, with the first time being horrible - dry as fuck and rough, but the second being super lubed and streamlined. Turned out the prostitute had syphilis, the first shag was dry scabs but by the second they'd all burst open

Hah when I had some gimpy lip piercings I actually lost one inside a girl. Got it back a week later - just in time before the piercing hole healed up again haha

Here's an story of the awesome side of disgusting:
Involved LSD and camping on a clifftop, for some reason I climbed about 5 metres up a tree to take a shit (there was a prime toilet-shaped set of branches) was a glorious dump until I looked down to see a proper ghetto 1980's boombox in the middle of my art. My first (and retardly illogical drug induced) assumption was that it'd come out of me, so I was sat up in a tree with no kecks on laughing my tits off and shouting at my mate 'come check this out!'. Was one of those epic universal drug bonding sessions, when his first comment was "haha as if, when did you eat that ghetto blaster?". Shit story, but it's a great feeling when disgust mutates into pride, satisfaction and awe

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote: Involved LSD and camping on a clifftop, for some reason I climbed about 5 metres up a tree to take a shit (there was a prime toilet-shaped set of branches) was a glorious dump until I looked down to see a proper ghetto 1980's boombox in the middle of my art. My first (and retardly illogical drug induced) assumption was that it'd come out of me, so I was sat up in a tree with no kecks on laughing my tits off and shouting at my mate 'come check this out!'. Was one of those epic universal drug bonding sessions, when his first comment was "haha as if, when did you eat that ghetto blaster?". Shit story, but it's a great feeling when disgust mutates into pride, satisfaction and awe

i like the way you think

Motorway to Roswell wrote:Two of my mates snuck into one of their younger brother's rooms whilst he was asleep and wanked on each side of his pillow, either side of his head.

Award for most likely to commit gay tsecni.

JFK wrote:

bokatordubstep wrote:this one's probably happened to a few of us.

i was jerkin my gerkin one night, sitting at the computer, watching some redtube.

felt a tingling sensation coming on, leaned back in my chair (as to catch the spunk on my stomach, easiest place for me to clean it from)

and POW




shot myself IN my open mouth.

in case you're wondering, it tastes something like salt and peroxide from what i remember.

maybe that's just my diet....

I swear you are the funniest motherfucker on planet Earth man I read through your old posts when I feel like shit.

That one where you wrote about accidently back handing your gf whilst boning her was hilarious.....

Here it is just in case anybody missed it the first time round:

bokatordubstep wrote:was boning my ex one time and for some reason instead of having one hand on either side of her head for support, i had both hands on the left side.
well i went to shift my left hand back to the left side and accidentally backhanded the shit out of her. she had a black eye for a while.

we were gettin at it HARD one time at my room in my parents house, hadn't seen her for like a week so we had pent up tension i guess. so i was punishing her from behind, arm of the futon smacking the wall with every thrust, and then just as im cumming i hear my mom's voice thru the door "david, you guys need to keep it down..."


just hearing your own mother say your name as your spooging is such an awkward feeling.

didnt see this at first. was from the "most embarrassing sex moments" or sumtin like that, yeh?

I really can't think of anything off the top of my head, I have had loads of jobs and am at that age where I have most of what life can throw at you. Some stuff I'd rather not think about, suicide etc.

JFK wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:Genital warts will fall off when they've expired. Maybe she'd applied some cream and just waiting for them to vacate. Also, you don't actually need to eat a wart to welcome its virus into your body haha

Anyway, that story reminds me of a JOKE my dad told me about shagging a prostitute twice, with the first time being horrible - dry as fuck and rough, but the second being super lubed and streamlined. Turned out the prostitute had syphilis, the first shag was dry scabs but by the second they'd all burst open

Hah when I had some gimpy lip piercings I actually lost one inside a girl. Got it back a week later - just in time before the piercing hole healed up again haha

Here's an story of the awesome side of disgusting:
Involved LSD and camping on a clifftop, for some reason I climbed about 5 metres up a tree to take a shit (there was a prime toilet-shaped set of branches) was a glorious dump until I looked down to see a proper ghetto 1980's boombox in the middle of my art. My first (and retardly illogical drug induced) assumption was that it'd come out of me, so I was sat up in a tree with no kecks on laughing my tits off and shouting at my mate 'come check this out!'. Was one of those epic universal drug bonding sessions, when his first comment was "haha as if, when did you eat that ghetto blaster?". Shit story, but it's a great feeling when disgust mutates into pride, satisfaction and awe

+1

firky wrote:I really can't think of anything off the top of my head, I have had loads of jobs and am at that age where I have most of what life can throw at you. Some stuff I'd rather not think about, suicide etc.

well, i love you firkles

This remindss me.
did you know that when a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth via the saliva glands.

bokatordubstep wrote:

firky wrote:I really can't think of anything off the top of my head, I have had loads of jobs and am at that age where I have most of what life can throw at you. Some stuff I'd rather not think about, suicide etc.

well, i love you firkles

well done! now he probably wants to kill himself even more!

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:'
-Mashed as fuck once, struggling to make a fry up for a few mates after a club night, cracking eggs for frying and a stillborn chicken fell into the pan

Just out of curiousity. How far along was it? Apparently embryos can be quite nice at the right stage.

Someone told me they eat em somewhere out in Asia.

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:Shit story, but it's a great feeling when disgust mutates into pride, satisfaction and awe

Maybe the best sentance i have read on this forum this year. Sigged .