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Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:37 pm
by badger
why did jeremy beadle lose at poker?
because he had a crap hand
Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:26 pm
by braiden
badger wrote:why did jeremy beadle lose at poker?
because he had a crap hand
I heard he has a small penis.
But on the other hand, its massive.
Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:16 pm
by diss04
an eskimo is driving through town when his car dies. he pushes it to the nearest mechanics. the mechanic looks under the bonnet and says 'looks like you've blown a seal'. the eskimo says 'no, its just frost bite on my lip'
Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:22 pm
by whineo
_ How many Vietnam Vetrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- Dunno?
- Thats because your were'nt there you fucking Hippy!
Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:52 pm
by guerillaeye
LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale begins
'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:58 pm
by guerillaeye
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
'Kenneth.'
'And what is your question, Kenneth?'
'I have three questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?'
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, 'Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?'
A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
'Larry.'
'And what is your question, Larry?'
'I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?'