Why am I always the one who...

[sixamsedna]

...goes first, cares about others, gets others to do things with me (i.e. go somewhere, hang out)

I was discussing this with my best friend a few days ago, and we just can't wrap our heads over this..."phenomenon" ? is it? We're both like-minded in many ways, and that's one of the reasons we are best friends because we share so much that is common. This theme always resurfaces in our conversations, I mean, constantly. We are people from different backgrounds. My friend is Pakistani, while I'm Ukrainian. And we both spent a bit of our youth before we moved to the states. Almost exactly the same year, so to even say that "values" even have anything to do with it, would be sort of incorrect as neither of us had a substantial amount of time to develop any extremely deep ones while we lived there as both of us moved here around the age of 12-13. I of course did spend a lot my 'conscious' youth time back there and am well aware of how things "work" back home... however, living in the US for 11 years now, I basically grew up HERE in the states. 7th through 8th grades in Middle School, High School, and now University... so WHY is it, that I am such a different person than every other "American" walking the same streets I walk?

I'm basically "americanized" but I have kept my roots, language, some values. I speak English with a slight accent, I laugh at the same jokes... but why is it that when I talk to most Americans, I just "can't connect" with them? Why am I the one that asks for the phone number, email, or any other way of contact, after having met a person - regardless of sex - and had a great conversation with them. Then ask to hang out on phone or in person, them concurring that it's a great idea, and then just forgetting about it? Is it laziness, ADD?

or how about, if I'm already "friends" with some people, for them to never call ME and ask to do things, or let alone just call and ask how I'm doing? Why is it that I'm the only person who feels the NEED to do things like that, genuinely? You can't say I don't have priorities in life or am busy with something sometimes too, so why do I constantly think about people I know, and nobody but my best friend does so in return?

I was friends with one guy back in 2006, met him through a class. He seemed like someone I could kill time with, an acquaintance or possible good friend. I, along with my friend pulled him out of the house to do things and such whenever possible. One day last year he tells me that he's pissed that whenever he calls his "friends" and asks them to do things, they always say they're busy. I tell him as a response something akin to; "Well maybe they're not your true friends then?" after so many years this guy never bothered to call or invite ME to do things, yet he calls his other classmates and asks them to do things while they deny him. Isn't it funny? I told him if he ever wants to hang out, he is ALWAYS welcome at my house, whether to watch a film, or just shoot the shit, or go anywhere... - he never did so after that.

One day, in frustration out of all this; I snapped, and deleted everyone of my so called "friends" on my phone who have never even bothered to call me, or invite me out just for the sake of having a good time. Yet I was always the one person, who would be the one who said "let's do something on so and so day, let's drive here, or there" and they'd give me the obligatory "yeah dude, let's do that"

From this moment on, I have become cynical of people I meet. Every new person I meet, is a copy, of a copy, of a copy. I understand what "busy" means, but you can't play the "busy" card on me every single time, or the worst of which is the "false promise" which in reality is bullshit to begin with. When you say "yes" to something and either never call back, or back off.

I am beginning to think that this is engraved into the DNA of most people raised in the US.. but then, how come I wasn't touched by all this? Why is it, that if anyone I knew, no matter how little it was - and they asked for my help, or called me at 3am in the morning and told me to be somewhere because they needed me.. I wouldn't deny that? Are you going to call me "needy" ? huh? Or is it because I'm selfless, honest, and caring? Why do I feel more mature than the people of my generation?

Is it the people, or the environment in which I live in? I live in Northern Virginia, and I have yet to find RAW and honest people. My best friend's brother who lived in Jacksonville, NC on a Marine base feels the same way, all three of us feel this way. He says that he never had this problem with finding good people who'd invite him out somewhere or become good friends while living in NC... but not here.

Can anyone answer me any of these questions, or tell me if it's the environment in which I live in, or whether anyone feels the same..OR whether it's my own faults?

It seems to me like I'm one of the few "who give a shit" about others besides my own self. To be honest, I feel like there's a lack of good people where I live, everyone is so one-layered. You know? Like there's no substance, no conscience.

[wub]

Perhaps its just that you are boring

Don't be an ass

One day, in frustration out of all this; I snapped, and deleted everyone of my so called "friends" on my phone who have never even bothered to call me, or invite me out just for the sake of having a good time. Yet I was always the one person, who would be the one who said "let's do something on so and so day, let's drive here, or there" and they'd give me the obligatory "yeah dude, let's do that"

From this moment on, I have become cynical of people I meet. Every new person I meet, is a copy, of a copy, of a copy. I understand what "busy" means, but you can't play the "busy" card on me every single time, or the worst of which is the "false promise" which in reality is bullshit to begin with. When you say "yes" to something and either never call back, or back off.

Some people are facilitators - they go out of their way to get stuff moving in a given situation. From what you've written, it sounds like you could be one of them. This doesn't necessarily make you a good/bad person in comparison with other people, but if other people aren't as motivated to do stuff then they won't necessarily return your calls/invite you out etc.

[sixamsedna]

Perhaps you are boring

I am twice the man you are. If this is the only thing you can come up with, I feel sad for you.

[sixamsedna]

One day, in frustration out of all this; I snapped, and deleted everyone of my so called "friends" on my phone who have never even bothered to call me, or invite me out just for the sake of having a good time. Yet I was always the one person, who would be the one who said "let's do something on so and so day, let's drive here, or there" and they'd give me the obligatory "yeah dude, let's do that"

From this moment on, I have become cynical of people I meet. Every new person I meet, is a copy, of a copy, of a copy. I understand what "busy" means, but you can't play the "busy" card on me every single time, or the worst of which is the "false promise" which in reality is bullshit to begin with. When you say "yes" to something and either never call back, or back off.

Some people are facilitators - they go out of their way to get stuff moving in a given situation. From what you've written, it sounds like you could be one of them. This doesn't necessarily make you a good/bad person in comparison with other people, but if other people aren't as motivated to do stuff then they won't necessarily return your calls/invite you out etc.

wub, I don't know how it is in the UK, but out here virtually every person I meet is a copy of the person I have met previously. I am talking people in their early 20's - my generation. If you say that it's a question of motivation, then practically every person I have met is unmotivated and precisely boring.

[particle-jim]

Perhaps you are boring

I am twice the man you are. If this is the only thing you can come up with, I feel sad for you.

[wub]

One day, in frustration out of all this; I snapped, and deleted everyone of my so called "friends" on my phone who have never even bothered to call me, or invite me out just for the sake of having a good time. Yet I was always the one person, who would be the one who said "let's do something on so and so day, let's drive here, or there" and they'd give me the obligatory "yeah dude, let's do that"

From this moment on, I have become cynical of people I meet. Every new person I meet, is a copy, of a copy, of a copy. I understand what "busy" means, but you can't play the "busy" card on me every single time, or the worst of which is the "false promise" which in reality is bullshit to begin with. When you say "yes" to something and either never call back, or back off.

Some people are facilitators - they go out of their way to get stuff moving in a given situation. From what you've written, it sounds like you could be one of them. This doesn't necessarily make you a good/bad person in comparison with other people, but if other people aren't as motivated to do stuff then they won't necessarily return your calls/invite you out etc.

wub, I don't know how it is in the UK, but out here virtually every person I meet is a copy of the person I have met previously. I am talking people in their early 20's - my generation. If you say that it's a question of motivation, then practically every person I have met is unmotivated and precisely boring.

Then either you're setting the standards way too high, or else you're associating with the wrong crowd entirely. I have mates who are lazy feckers, and mates who are proper busy bodies and want to do everything. But it's only in my late 20s that I've found a group of people that I consider true friends who I get on with, mainly as I now understand myself and the way I interact with others a lot better.

[ashley]

Perhaps you are boring

I am twice the man you are. If this is the only thing you can come up with, I feel sad for you.

lolz.

Some follow, others lead.

[sixamsedna]

Then either you're setting the standards way too high, or else you're associating with the wrong crowd entirely. I have mates who are lazy feckers, and mates who are proper busy bodies and want to do everything. But it's only in my late 20s that I've found a group of people that I consider true friends who I get on with, mainly as I now understand myself and the way I interact with others a lot better.

It's actually sad the way you put it though, about standards. But I guess that's reality, there's definitely a lack of quality people, at least where I live. Kids without a conscience and substance, no matter how you slice it. I have met hundreds of people and it's sad that they turn out to be like the troll here mr hyde.

[wub]

Then either you're setting the standards way too high, or else you're associating with the wrong crowd entirely. I have mates who are lazy feckers, and mates who are proper busy bodies and want to do everything. But it's only in my late 20s that I've found a group of people that I consider true friends who I get on with, mainly as I now understand myself and the way I interact with others a lot better.

It's actually sad the way you put it though, about standards. But I guess that's reality, there's definitely a lack of quality people, at least where I live. Kids without a conscience and substance, no matter how you slice it. I have met hundreds of people and it's sad that they turn out to be like the troll here mr hyde.

Not at all, people's standards are nothing to cause sadness or division. Because you were raised a certain way or have a different cultural background than your peers, doesn't make you in any way better or worse than them. Just means you are different in your outlook, and may be looking for more/less than other people are prepared to give.

[wubstep]

The first paragraph or so was applicable to myself. Since moving to Bristol I have made no friends, booyah. Will be at Dubloaded tonight with Pinch, Jakes, Gemmy etc, clearly like-minded people in the building, but I will return home without having spoke to anyone. Big up.

[badger]

aww wubstep

we should be doing an SNR in bristol soon - come along!

[LA_Boxers]

The first paragraph or so was applicable to myself. Since moving to Bristol I have made no friends, booyah. Will be at Dubloaded tonight with Pinch, Jakes, Gemmy etc, clearly like-minded people in the building, but I will return home without having spoke to anyone. Big up.

Awwwwww. If i lived in Bristol i'd buy you a pint.

But i dont......and im a tnuc!!
Sorry.

Joking.

Just try and find some other dude hanging by the bar or on the edge of the dancefloor who looks like he is on his ones. Im sure he/she would be feeling the same as you and would be more than willing for a chat. Even if you just try chatting to the bar staff or promoters. Maybe see if theres any promotion jobs going?? Might be shite, but will give you some pals or people to talk to at least!!

[badger]

i might come to that actually wubstep. it's only down the road and £3 entry so might come for a bit but got work tomorrow so doubt i'll be there that late

you better not be a weirdo though

[sixamsedna]

Then either you're setting the standards way too high, or else you're associating with the wrong crowd entirely. I have mates who are lazy feckers, and mates who are proper busy bodies and want to do everything. But it's only in my late 20s that I've found a group of people that I consider true friends who I get on with, mainly as I now understand myself and the way I interact with others a lot better.

It's actually sad the way you put it though, about standards. But I guess that's reality, there's definitely a lack of quality people, at least where I live. Kids without a conscience and substance, no matter how you slice it. I have met hundreds of people and it's sad that they turn out to be like the troll here mr hyde.

Not at all, people's standards are nothing to cause sadness or division. Because you were raised a certain way or have a different cultural background than your peers, doesn't make you in any way better or worse than them. Just means you are different in your outlook, and may be looking for more/less than other people are prepared to give.

Don't misunderstand me, I made it clear in my post that I basically grew up in the US among the peers. It really has little to do with a 'cultural upringing' different than the country I reside in. It's more of a question of substance to me. I meet a lot of two-faced and fake people here, most of them turn out to be the 'born n raised' in the USA. In the time I have spent here, and the many people of various backgrounds I have met here - I most tend to have an understanding with everyone "who's not from here" you know? and I have met some good American people, but the amount of those is nothing compared to the amount of carbon copies I have met here. People who show you this "happy-go-lucky" side and are ready to be your friends, while turning out to be two-faced, skin-deep, insecure people without conscience who don't have values. I'm not generalizing the entire nation here, but this is something I have noticed amongst people in my age-group. It's frustrating, as well as sad at the same time. How can you not be cynical towards people like that when you're almost 'bombarded' with that kind?

[particle-jim]

i might come to that actually wubstep. it's only down the road and £3 entry so might come for a bit but got work tomorrow so doubt i'll be there that late

you better not be a weirdo though

[ahier]

no offense to the OP but this sounds a bit sad
i know other people arent easy all the time, but you gotta keep looking for people that will spend time with you
theres no point lashing out and calling others boring, simply because they do certain things
i understand your frustration but dont let it feed anger cos that just wont help anything, just be positive and keep out there
and maybe look at yourself aswell, not in the way that some guy joked about you boring, but maybe you are looking in the wrong places to meet people, maybe you are going about it the wrong way, when like minded people are probably just round the corner. and your post did have quite a tone of superiority, maybe cut down on that
sorry this post turned a bit rambly


oh yeah, i wanna move to bristol but i know literally noone there