lloydnoise wrote:Genevieve wrote:Kochari wrote:Better safe than sorry innit.
Yeah but there's a risk involved with pretty much every drug. The risk is just higher with me considering my condition so I'm curious what people's experiences with the drug are.
I've heard of some people being temporarily relieved of their symptoms after having used salvia, though. Not sure how seriously to take that, though. Or if those people were diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the first place (I don't take self-diagnoses seriously).
honestly no offence meant by this but... what does being bi-polar really mean? Isn't it just an indicator that your moods may swing further to each end of the spectrum than a 'normal' or is there more to it? I have always been skeptical of some of the more modern labelled conditions as an attempt to sub-sub-categorise pretty standard, day to day, human behaviour but I would like to know more from someone who knows..
Don't link me to Wiki either, i want personal opinions mayn
Alright, I'll give you 'the common understanding' of bipolar disorder and the way I experience it (and the way I see described more and more from other people as well). I'll only link to lists of symptoms, 'cause I don't wanna forget any.
Essentially, bipolar disorder is a disorder where people experienced prolonged periods of depression, mania and 'mixed episodes'. There may be periods of a 'normal' state of mind in between these various episodes.
Mania
Depression
(Keep in mind, I don't have EVERY symptom described here, no one does, I have no motoric retardation, for example and my thoughts slow down a bit during mania compared thoughts in a mixed episode)
Mixed episodes feature both manic AND depressed symptoms (these are most common in me).
Basically, it's more than just 'mood swings'. A lot of people think that bipolar is feeling fantastic one minute and depressed the other and while people can experience pretty sudden mood shifts during their mixed episode, their overall mood through-out the day is actually pretty static.
Anyway, the way I experience bipolar is basically like this.
Someone with bipolar disorder has two lights in their body. When they're 'normal', the lights are burning normally. When they're depressed, the 'depressed light' shines a lot, to the point where it's almost blinding. While the manic light is barely flickering. When they're manic, the depressed light is barely flickering, whereas the manic light is shining brighter than the sun. During mixed episodes, the lights are constantly alternating in strength. I made up the light analogy because when one of the lights shines really bright, you're blinded by it. Like during a depression, I can be blinded by the thought that no one cares about me. Much like I can be blinded by the light that says I'm God in human form when I am manic.
Basically, things aren't as black and white as feeling 'either very good, or very bad'. You can have the racing thoughts and impulsiveness of a manic episode combined with the social isolation and feeling of worthlessness of a depression (a deadly combination). Depression itself is more than just feeling 'bad' and mania is more than just 'feeling good'. They both have their distinct symptoms that happen to be associated with a certain feeling.
Anyway, there's 4 types of bipolar disorder that I know of. Bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothemia and biolar-NOS. Bipolar I is the most intense and it features full blown mania and psychosis (losing complete touch of reality). Bipolar II (my diagnosis) features a milder form of mania (hypomania) and no psychosis. Cyclothemia is even milder than that and bipolar-NOS is when a patient is identified with having bipolar features, but where the combination doesn't fit with the 3 types of bipolar disorder.
I've had two 'almost psychotic' episodes, where I managed to intervene in time. It was scary 'cause I literally felt like two different realities were real (and not in the hippie 'WELL, NOTHING IS REAL' type of way... it has more to do with me having convinced myself of having done something absolutely unspeakably awful to one of my best friends, which I don't feel comfortable just posting on a message board, just think of the worst thing someone could do to someone else and keep it at that). Anyway, I knew I didn't do it even though I 'felt' like it so I called her on time to tell her what my mind has tricked me into believing. She told me to shut the fuck up because I didn't do shit and I'm the sweetest person she knows.
If I do get a full blown psychotic episode, I'll be diagnosed as bipolar I. Let's hope it's a matter of 'if' and not 'when'.
