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Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:19 pm
by Lye_Form
http://lifestyletabloids.wordpress.com/ ... -launches/
Kampala – The inaugural Child Rape Festival was officially launched this morning by State Minister for Ethics & Integrity, Rev. Simon Lokodo.

The festival, which will see girls as young as two-months-old being helplessly raped “the natural way”, has been unanimously welcomed by the parliament as it upholds Ugandan Christian principles, as opposed to two consenting adults engaging in homosexual sex.

Cutting the ribbon to formally declare this month-long event as opened, the beaming Rev. Simon Lokodo said the festival couldn’t have come at a better time.

“Men raping young girls has been a long standing tradition in Uganda, a tradition we are very proud of and wish to uphold with the greatest of honour,” Lokodo told reporters.

“Heterosexual rape is morally superior to consensual gay sex. It is men raping girls, which is natural… Raping the evil demons out of the girls will ensure that none of them turns lesbian, otherwise they will be jailed for life. So it is win-win for everyone,” Rev. Simon Lokodo went on to say.

Under the tagline “God Loves Child Rapists – Not Homosexuals”, the festival will present an array of child rape activities which will see the winner being awarded a “Yoweri Prize” for the most rapes, consisting of a diamond encrusted trophy named after Ugandan president, Yoweri Museveni.

Speaking to reporters, men in Uganda say they are already beginning to celebrate this “very innovative” way to “cure the gay epidemic” proliferating across the African continent.

“I have one advice for every man gunning for the Yoweri trophy; You are wasting your time…. I remain the undisputed serial child rapist in Uganda… The trophy shall be mine,” warned 43-year-old Keke Agaba, who claims that his rape victims are in their thousands.

29-year-old Israel Kaboggoza jumped in to say;

“I’m going to get the most rapes this year. I’ve been practicing all year by raping my sister and her friends every day. I will be rape superstar number one! I will get the Yoweri Prize this year for sure!”

Uganda is willing to give up all international aid in favor of its new Child Rape Festival, which makes it legally, morally and religiously acceptable to rape a girl-child as opposed to condoning homosexuality, which the country deem to be an “unnatural” act.

“We will not shy away from this, we want to rid this country of homosexuality and if that means these people – Obama, Hague, you name them – want to stop their aid then let them,” Simon Lokodo was quoted as saying.

“Homosexuality cannot be accommodated in our culture. We have taken that position as a government and prefer child rape because this is a democratic country and it is what the people want.”

Following the controversial anti-gay bill which was recently passed last week, the World Bank announced that it would suspended a 60 million new loan for health services in Uganda. Denmark, The Netherlands and Norway have all frozen aid to President Yoweri Museveni’s government. Washington is “reviewing its relationship” with Uganda over the law, which John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, compared to Nazism and apartheid.

Rev. Simon Lokodo further added that “these Western people – Obama, Kerry – they are married to women, yet they want to tell us our men should marry men. If that is so important, why does Obama not marry a man?

“Do not come into my house and tell me how to live, what food to cook, what to do, as I do not come to your house and tell you what to do. I would much rather rape a girl than kiss another man. At least that would be the natural way of having sex”.

President Yoweri Museveni could not respond on whether he would equally assign scientists to establish what makes a person heterosexual or whether there is such a thing as a heterosexual gene, the same way he did when trying to establish what makes a person homosexual.

The UK ended all its direct budget support to the Ugandan government last year.
Hoax/bullshit?

Hope so.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:21 pm
by OGLemon
there's no way that can be real









I hope

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:23 pm
by collige
I dunno, free Wordpress blogs with "tabloid" in their title tend to be pretty reliable.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:26 pm
by kaili
fairly sure its satire lol

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:29 pm
by Lye_Form
It does read like the daily mash type article.

Never know with that messed up country though

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 6:35 am
by m8son666
^racistr

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:15 am
by nowaysj
Countries are not races, idiot.*




*Unless you're talking about Canada.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:29 am
by garethom
tickets?

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:34 am
by wub
Agent should post this on his Facebook with a short message of condemnation and see how many of his mates take it as serious.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:35 am
by nowaysj
98% - accepting wagers.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:38 am
by Jhonny2x4
I'm having a hard time finding the appropriate reaction to this...

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:39 am
by wub
It's satire that veers a bit too far into bad taste, IMO.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 10:07 am
by magma
It sounds like someone took the conversation Stephen Fry had about raping children Vs consensual homosexual sex on his trip to Uganda and tried to turn it into an Onion piece, only they forgot to use the requisite writing skill to write an Onion piece.

Transcript of the Fry bit:

http://brothers-sisters-comrades.tumblr ... 4115081103
Stephen Fry: Hahaha... There's no rape in Africa is there? There's no young girls being raped in Africa...
Simon Lokodo: There are but not-
Stephen Fry: oh there are thousands of them so surely heterosexuality is far more dangerous to children then homosexuality. Far more! It's a country where heterosexual rape is almost endemic!
Simon Lokodo: I say. Let. Them. Do. It.
Stephen Fry: Oh 'let them do it' ?
Simon Lokodo: But let them do it the right way.
Stephen Fry: Oh let them do it the right way? Let them rape children the right way? What are you talking about?
Simon Lokodo: I'm saying, at least it is natural way of desiring sex.
Stephen Fry: OH! That's okay then! So it's okay to... but for two men who wish, who consent to have sex together in private is bad, but it's okay for a man to rape a woman 'cause at least it's the right way...
Simon Lokodo: You're giving two comparison which don't meet. Which, those comparisons do not compare at all.
Stephen Fry: Well that's what you've said to me. You said let them do it the right way!
Simon Lokodo: Well take it the way you want but what I'm telling you is. It is not permissible in Uganda, for single sex relationship. Finished. And if you are advocating that, I'm sorry I will treat you as a destructor of Uganda's ideologies.
Stephen Fry: Homosexuality is fantastic, you should try it, it's really good fun.
Simon Lokodo: I will arrest you. I will arrest you.

Re: Uganda Child Rape Festival Officially Launches

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:19 am
by RKM
garethom wrote:tickets?
tbf if you get the joint dimensions ticket it's pretty good value