Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

biomat · Post by **biomat** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:41 am

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greate ... hat_rooms/

i though when i was jesus camp that nothing can surprise me now
but this is too heavy

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:50 am

some of that stuff is pretty fucked, kinda hilarious for its sheer ridiculousness, the one about how they think atheists think/act - HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

shonky · Post by **shonky** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:53 am

I was checking this site about a year ago. Interestingly in the FSTDT forum, there's a lot of non-fundamentalist christians who are really anti-fundamentalist too, because fundies seem to be doing an incredibly good job of turning people against christianity via their persecution of minorities, anti-science/pro-ignorance teachings and negative influence on US politics.

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:54 am

Shonky wrote:fundies seem to be doing an incredibly good job of turning people against christianity via their persecution of minorities, anti-science/pro-ignorance teachings and negative influence on US politics.

its true, if i was your average christian i'd be pretty pissed off about this

BLZDub · Post by **BLZDub** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:58 am

"several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

badger · Post by **badger** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:17 am

lol at this

When two guy's have sex they can only penetrate eachother through the crack which I think is disgusting because of all the crap that's in there. They both must face the same direction and thus one guy's twig and berries will be projecting from the two. Because no man has a vagina they can't become one flesh when having normal sex.

Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate eachother and become one flesh.

Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.

Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.

Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.

When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face.

"the leg issue" lol

boomnoise · Post by **boomnoise** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:22 am

i've never had this 'leg issue'.

maybe things aren't being done properly.

this link has come up here before but it's just as funny this time round.

shonky · Post by **shonky** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:31 am

I think it was me that put it up last time. Also worth checking this site out for giggles http://www.conservapedia.com/Main_Page

biomat · Post by **biomat** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:47 am

this one is sweet))

ok so for school my homework was to read a book on evolution in biology. i didnt want to do it but i had to because i need a good grade in biology. well anyways i waited till the last minute to do it, at like 130 in the morning before school. and i was at my hosue alone in my room. i started to open the book but then i got a really cold feeling. i looked around and nothing was there. i tried opening it again and then it seemed the walls started shaking and i thought i heard a voice saying 'beware the way of heathens' i was just wondering if this was god trying to keep me away. also, should i not do my homework to stay good to jesus mk thanks LoLz.

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:54 am

Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH - this is ridiculous!!!! this person can't actually be completely serious....

biomat · Post by **biomat** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:04 am

i agree...it is scary

jolly wailer · Post by **jolly wailer** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:07 am

you could probably have a shit load of fun on those forums

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:09 am

Jolly Wailer wrote:you could probably have a shit load of fun on those forums

can we all raid one?? i'm gonna have a look for one, i reckon we should just all post views/ideas even more extreme than others (eg. "christian jihad - a good idea?") and see if they all latch onto it, and then lets just spam their board

shonky · Post by **shonky** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:13 am

Jolly Wailer wrote:you could probably have a shit load of fun on those forums

Hmm, from what I can gather, some of those forums will expel anyone who deviates from the fundie path pretty sharpish. Some also check on their members pm's as well. Think Bro Randy at Teens 4 Christ is renowned for that. I think if anyone introduces an idea or points out a contradiction in the Bible they won't be staying for long. Some of them are run in a fashion that totalitarian regimes would be jealous of.

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:16 am

http://christianforums.com/f370-fundame ... rches.html

sign up people - lets get on it

shonky, if we're chucked out, we're chucked out

i reckon it would actually be more interesting to go on there and post far more extreme views and see if anyone agrees, than to just go on there and raid

badger · Post by **badger** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:16 am

yeah fundamentalism doesn't exactly promote individual though does it

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:16 am

or we could just post gay porn up, they'd fucking hate that

badger · Post by **badger** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:18 am

you wouldn't

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:20 am

badger wrote:you wouldn't

hahahahhahaahhahaa

shonky mate you're not fair off about comparing them to a totalitarian regime - they wanna know fucking EVERYTHING about you before you sign up

pk- · Post by **pk-** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:28 am

ahhh let em be, they're not harming anyone.

except jews, scientists and people with brains i suppose

Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

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