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Ham Touchers Anonymous
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:40 am
by ex-ham-toucher
Ham Touchers Anonymous
I have noticed with some concern that the trend for touching ham has been spreading throughout the ninja forum of late.
As I'm sure you all know deep down inside, the touching of ham is:
HERETICAL
PERVERTED
and
JUST PLAIN WRONG.
As an ex-ham toucher, I know how hard it can be to shake the habit. This is why I have set up a new organisation - Ham Touchers Anonymous.
I invite any secretly ashamed ham touchers to gather here and share their sordid stories of ham touching. If you wish, you may sign up with a different name in order to preserve your anonymity and avoid retribution from your fellow ham touchers.
View this place as a haven away from ham. We have a nice selection of non-ham related treats to nibble on.
Together, we can beat this. One day at a time.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:41 am
by thief
Chicken, it's the Tuna of the land I'm told.
Not that I'm endorsing this heresy in any way. You will burn. It's a fact.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:43 am
by badger
reformed ham-touchers are deluded and sick. they can fuck off and die
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:44 am
by jon_tooth
Once you've touched ham, you can never really go back.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:44 am
by badger
i mean reformed ham's probably never even seen a real ham
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:44 am
by forensix (mcr)
badger wrote:reformed ham-touchers are deluded and sick. they can fuck off and die
we must head to our hammy retreat to discuss this unfortunate turn of events
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:44 am
by badger
there already
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:44 am
by ex-ham-toucher
My children, my children, turn you back on the Church of Ham and embrace the light. It is not too late.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:46 am
by forensix (mcr)
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:My children, my children, turn you back on the Church of Ham and embrace the light. It is not too late.
I think you need a stress test - come inside the Church of Ham and we can help you with your stress
Re: Ham Touchers Anonymous
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:47 am
by datura
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:Ham Touchers Anonymous
I have noticed with some concern that the trend for touching ham has been spreading throughout the ninja forum of late.
As I'm sure you all know deep down inside, the touching of ham is:
HERETICAL
PERVERTED
and
JUST PLAIN WRONG.
As an ex-ham toucher, I know how hard it can be to shake the habit. This is why I have set up a new organisation - Ham Touchers Anonymous.
I invite any secretly ashamed ham touchers to gather here and share their sordid stories of ham touching. If you wish, you may sign up with a different name in order to preserve your anonymity and avoid retribution from your fellow ham touchers.
View this place as a haven away from ham. We have a nice selection of non-ham related treats to nibble on.
Together, we can beat this. One day at a time.
REMOVE THIS FILTH!!
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:47 am
by *grand*
Your secret is safe with me.... masked one...
Ham touchers .. your day's are numbered...
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:48 am
by ex-ham-toucher
forensix (mcr) wrote:Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:My children, my children, turn you back on the Church of Ham and embrace the light. It is not too late.
I think you need a stress test - come inside the Church of Ham and we can help you with your stress
I've heard that story before. I refuse to speak to you as you are one of the High Priests of Ham and therefore one of the chief corruptors of the forum's youth.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:50 am
by forensix (mcr)
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:forensix (mcr) wrote:Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:My children, my children, turn you back on the Church of Ham and embrace the light. It is not too late.
I think you need a stress test - come inside the Church of Ham and we can help you with your stress
I've heard that story before. I refuse to speak to you as you are one of the High Priests of Ham and therefore one of the chief corruptors of the forum's youth.
if you do not wish to have a stress test maybe you could watch a dvd and i will make you a cup of tea
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:51 am
by d_three
Hi, my name is d.three and I am a Ham Toucher.
Aah, it feels much better now.

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:52 am
by ex-ham-toucher
forensix (mcr) wrote:if you do not wish to have a stress test maybe you could watch a dvd and i will make you a cup of tea
Why, that's very kind of you, i take my tea with two lumps of ha...
WAIT!! I see what you are doing, you're not getting me like that again!
I know your ways. Stay back oh honey glazed one.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:53 am
by ex-ham-toucher
d.three wrote:Hi, my name is d.three and I am a Ham Toucher.
Aah, it feels much better now.

It's like a hammy weight has been lifted isn't it? You have taken the first step. Well done.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:54 am
by datura
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:forensix (mcr) wrote:if you do not wish to have a stress test maybe you could watch a dvd and i will make you a cup of tea
Why, that's very kind of you, i take my tea with two lumps of ha...
WAIT!! I see what you are doing, you're not getting me like that again!
I know your ways. Stay back oh honey glazed one.
would you like a crumpet with your tea?
Re: Ham Touchers Anonymous
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:00 pm
by kidlogic
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:Ham Touchers Anonymous
I have noticed with some concern that the trend for touching ham has been spreading throughout the ninja forum of late.
As I'm sure you all know deep down inside, the touching of ham is:
HERETICAL
PERVERTED
and
JUST PLAIN WRONG.
As an ex-ham toucher, I know how hard it can be to shake the habit. This is why I have set up a new organisation - Ham Touchers Anonymous.
I invite any secretly ashamed ham touchers to gather here and share their sordid stories of ham touching. If you wish, you may sign up with a different name in order to preserve your anonymity and avoid retribution from your fellow ham touchers.
View this place as a haven away from ham. We have a nice selection of non-ham related treats to nibble on.
Together, we can beat this. One day at a time.
Why?

I am shocked by this turn of events. There is nothing wrong with a bit of ham touching. Why the sudden backlash? This will only cause further separation in the ranks of what was once a proud family of Ninja brethren. Why break apart our once unified ranks based on someone's choice of protein tactility?
The C.O.H. is no longer involved in any type of forum infiltration or any other internet tomfoolery which will bring any sort of reprecusion upon the Hideout, so again I ask why?
When will the hamism end? Hamists have no place in the Ninja ranks.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:03 pm
by datura
Ex-Ham-Toucher wrote:d.three wrote:Hi, my name is d.three and I am a Ham Toucher.
Aah, it feels much better now.

It's like a hammy weight has been lifted isn't it? You have taken the first step. Well done.
"hey big boy, i know you want to touch me...feel that hammy moistness on your fingertips.."

Re: Ham Touchers Anonymous
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 12:04 pm
by ex-ham-toucher
kidlogic wrote:Why?

I am shocked by this turn of events. There is nothing wrong with a bit of ham touching. Why the sudden backlash? This will only cause further separation in the ranks of what was once a proud family of Ninja brethren. Why break apart our once unified ranks based on someone's choice of protein tactility?
The C.O.H. is no longer involved in any type of forum infiltration or any other internet tomfoolery which will bring any sort of reprecusion upon the Hideout, so again I ask why?
When will the hamism end? Hamists have no place in the Ninja ranks.
It is the formation of the Church of Ham that caused the schism to begin with. You have been brainwashed. It is only a matter of time before you are asked to 'disconnect' with your fellow ninjas. Turn your back on your hammy ways and come back to a world that does not discriminate between meat based snacks.