If You Were An MD of A Company...

deamonds · Post by **deamonds** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:30 pm

....and you had to draft a few "rules & regs" before the 1st day was out, what would they be??

heres mine

* Mandatory weed & sex breaks

* Monday morning start @ 11, friday's must finish strictly @ 12 (NO EXCUSES!)

* Radio 1 / Kiss 100 / *insert commercial radio st here* will be banned full stop (cd playlists will be chosen at managers discretion)

tuck · Post by **tuck** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:48 pm

1 - Attendance at the company picnic (held on Copacabana beach from the third Friday in January until the second Tuesday in March) is compulsory.

2 - Although no formal dress code will be enforced employees agree that if they turn up for work looking like a spod (eg. button-up cardigans, short-sleeved shirts especially if worn with a tie, anything branded with the company logo) they may be the subject of extreme and sustained mockery.

3 - No mingers.

DZA · Post by **DZA** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:51 pm

Tuck wrote:3 - No mingers.

deamonds · Post by **deamonds** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:56 pm

Tuck wrote: 2 - Although no formal dress code will be enforced employees agree that if they turn up for work looking like a spod (eg. button-up cardigans, short-sleeved shirts especially if worn with a tie, anything branded with the company logo) they may be the subject of extreme and sustained mockery.

welcome to the board...

Dead Rats · Post by **Dead Rats** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:12 pm

* Fridays are also known as "Forsythe Fridays", where the content of conversation will not, punishable by death, be allowed to consist outside of quotes by the legendary man himself, Bruce Forsythe. An amusing example is thus;

Worker 1: "Nice to see you to see youuuuu!!!"

Worker 2: "Nice to see you to see youuuu!!!!"

Both: "........Nice!"

...
...Hilarity all round.

ashley · Post by **ashley** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:14 pm

Dead Rats wrote:* Fridays are also known as "Forsythe Fridays", where the content of conversation will not, punishable by death, be allowed to consist outside of quotes by the legendary man himself, Bruce Forsythe. An amusing example is thus;

Worker 1: "Nice to see you to see youuuuu!!!"

Worker 2: "Nice to see you to see youuuu!!!!"

Both: "...Nice!"

...
...Hilarity all round.

dubluke · Post by **dubluke** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:14 pm

if i were MD my first action would be to put MD (geddit) in the watercoolers, thus increasing workplace morale.

ashley · Post by **ashley** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:18 pm

If i were MD of a company then my rules would be...

1. Anyone who reaches their target gets to drink their weight in any tipple of their choice (not in one sitting obviously) paid for by 'The Company'.

2. Every morning the receptionist will serve up Soreen. Soreen will also be provided for any board meetings, including Monday morning chit chat about weekends.

3. You can leave work as soon as you have done all of your work.

on Fridays we would troll 4chan aswell.

tuck · Post by **tuck** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:19 pm

4 - Anyone who brings cake to work on their own birthday will be forced to eat the whole lot single handed whilst being pelted with staplers, hole punches and fax machines.

elbe · Post by **elbe** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:20 pm

In addition to weekends every employee must choose at least one week day off.

Any worker who does not partake in a full hours lunch break with at least 1 alcoholic beverage will be denied there weekday off.

Your manager is always responsible, anyone found to be passing the blame down the line will be forced to buy everybody's lunch drinks for the week

tuck · Post by **tuck** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:23 pm

5 - Any pictures of babies, husbands or other "loved ones" placed in or around the work station must be offset by an equal or greater number of pictures of hot roller derby chicks (see rule 3) only in fancier frames. Or better yet one of them snacky digital ones.

Dead Rats · Post by **Dead Rats** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:28 pm

Ashley wrote: on Fridays we would PISS IN AN OCEAN OF PISS aswell.

deamonds · Post by **deamonds** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:32 pm

Anyone who applies to "HR" is immediately re-assigned to training in "operations". Lets face it, if you work in HR your a lazy tnuc...

ashley · Post by **ashley** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:38 pm

Dead Rats wrote:
Ashley wrote: on Fridays we would PISS IN AN OCEAN OF PISS aswell.

Dead Rats · Post by **Dead Rats** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:40 pm

You have not heard that phrase?

Trolling a board of trolls - Pissing in an ocean of piss.

kins83 · Post by **kins83** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:43 pm

Dead Rats wrote:You have not heard that phrase?

Trolling a board of trolls - Pissing in an ocean of piss.

As in a pointless venture? Like reading one of Ashley's posts?

ashley · Post by **ashley** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:43 pm

Dead Rats wrote:You have not heard that phrase?

Trolling a board of trolls - Pissing in an ocean of piss.

yeh but

y u dis me?

Dead Rats · Post by **Dead Rats** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:47 pm

kins83 wrote:
Dead Rats wrote:You have not heard that phrase?

Trolling a board of trolls - Pissing in an ocean of piss.
As in a pointless venture? Like reading one of Ashley's posts?

I dunno, I couldn't comment. Trolling seems to be a pointless venture altogether, to be honest.*

*Funny as fuck, though.

Jak The lad · Post by **Jak The lad** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:19 pm

Tuck wrote:4 - Anyone who brings cake to work on their own birthday will be forced to eat the whole lot single handed whilst being pelted with staplers, hole punches and fax machines.

Lol... this.

And people who bring food to work to share and basically beg friend the whole office cause no-one talks to them.

ashley · Post by **ashley** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:44 pm

JTL wrote:
Tuck wrote:4 - Anyone who brings cake to work on their own birthday will be forced to eat the whole lot single handed whilst being pelted with staplers, hole punches and fax machines.
Lol... this.

And people who bring food to work to share and basically beg friend the whole office cause no-one talks to them.

At my old office there was this thing called cake friday...basically everyone took it in turns to bring in a cake. Shame on them. I got my mother's friend to bake mine. No time wasted. No ingredients used.

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