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Beer bottle in one hand, unruly penis in the other. No, it's not an extract from Paul Gascoigne's diary, but in fact what I'm doing exactly right now!!!

See, there's some super-important, mega money-making shit I'm supposed to be doing on this here computer, but instead of working towards that million-dollar promotion, I'm searching Google for pictures of MYSELF. That's right. Fuck mirrors and real life when you've got the internet.

Anyone else supposed to be working here but isn't? I should've re-named this thread 'UNIVERSAL GOOFING OFF THREAD!', but let's be honest, it isn't any more liable to get you to post. Know what? Fuck you. I bet if I made a thread called 'FREE PUSSY WITH EVERY POST!' you'd post in it about sixty thousand times.

Also, I have explosive diarrhea.

Dead Rats wrote: unruly penis. Also, I have explosive diarrhea.

messy

i know the feeling. even if theres a gain of any kind involved, ill still do it later.

really successful munchies combo at the moment. keep finding food i forgot i bought.

DROKKR wrote:

Dead Rats wrote: unruly penis. Also, I have explosive diarrhea.

messy

I certainly won't be laying BLOC's in the toilet at BLOC if this thing carries on to next month, I assure you.

this is me in school.

except without the unruly penis hand, beer in hand, and explosive diarrhea............
















ok maybe the penis in hand.














































also maybe the explosive diarrhea.

it's all about stealthily taking beer to school in lucozade bottles

BEN? wrote:it's all about stealthily taking beer to school in lucozade bottles

lucozade bottle aint they like 270ml so your gonna take 270ml of beer in to school wtf is the point at least take vodka or something half decent

The_Dza88 wrote:

BEN? wrote:it's all about stealthily taking beer to school in lucozade bottles

lucozade bottle aint they like 270ml so your gonna take 270ml of beer in to school wtf is the point at least take vodka or something half decent

lol,
you can get big bottles of lucozade.





oh and seriously, like ones on left

The_Dza88 wrote:

BEN? wrote:it's all about stealthily taking beer to school in lucozade bottles

lucozade bottle aint they like 270ml so your gonna take 270ml of beer in to school wtf is the point at least take vodka or something half decent

Wish I'd done this more as a schoolyout,would've made the whole experience far more interesting.

BEN? wrote:lol,
you can get big bottles of lucozade.

arrr fair enuff

bassmonk wrote:Wish I'd done this more as a schoolyout,would've made the whole experience far more interesting.

first time i did pills was in school, turned out to be a very random day

was all about getting fucked in school

The_Dza88 wrote:

BEN? wrote:lol,
you can get big bottles of lucozade.

arrr fair enuff

bassmonk wrote:Wish I'd done this more as a schoolyout,would've made the whole experience far more interesting.

first time i did pills was in school, turned out to be a very random day

was all about getting fucked in school

Funnily enough the one time I turned up to school half cut was for an afternoon exam and I scored my highest mark ever.If only I'd drunk more at school then perhaps I wouldn't be the useless waste I am today .

The_Dza88 wrote:
first time i did pills was in school, turned out to be a very random day

was all about getting fucked in school

same man, but as soon as i got into registration they put me in isolation for something from the day before. imagine coming up in a small confined cubicle. not nice.

bassmonk wrote: Funnily enough the one time I turned up to school half cut was for an afternoon exam and I scored my highest mark ever.If only I'd drunk more at school then perhaps I wouldn't be the useless waste I am today .

DID wrote:same man, but as soon as i got into registration they put me in isolation for something from the day before. imagine coming up in a small confined cubicle. not nice.

AHAHAHAHAHAH unlucky

You will all no doubt be pleased to know that the explosive diarrhea is now gone, and I am laying regular-sized packages just like the rest of you.

Regards,

Glad we could help.

Talking to me now, are you?

Getting drunk in school is fun actually.. all bout the mix from your parents drinks cabinet

All about the liquor in a tango bottle (when they used to be black) on the school trip.

Some kid put some vodka in a volvic bottle and still managed to get away with it. Smart thinking.

Here's a laugh. I went into the bakery late yesterday, and got one of them pizza baguette things, the things you have to warm up? Anyway, I picked it off the shelf and gave it to the fat bird behind the counter, and she warmed it up. After about 2 minutes, she took it out, looked at it with a puzzled expression (as if it was a fucking crossword in Arabic or something) flipped it over and then placed it face-down in the pan thing.

"Uh..." I thought as she done it. "...Isn't the topping going to go everywhere and stick inside the thing?"
Anyway, after about a minute, the smell of tomato and burnt onions was filling the whole gaff, and I could see the inside of the pan-thing sizzling from where I was behind the counter. The woman comes back out from round the back, notices the pan, and goes "WAAALLALALAL, OHH SHIT!" lifts the top of it off and...Well, you know that bit in Alien where the face-hugger rips out of the mans stomach? Yeah, pretend Anne Widdecombe had a period all over that guys stomach, and you're pretty much there. The smell was fucking intense.

So, anyway, after looking at it for a while, she decided she better do something. She gets one of the cake-shovel things and starts peeling the cheese off of the pan, while the powers still running through it. This causes shit to spit all over the gaff. She can't understand why the pan is doing this, however, and can only presume that a baked-goods poltergeist is haunting the place she works. "I think the powers still on, sorry." I say, to which she goes "oh yeah" and switches it off from the plug, which causes the big machine in the middle to turn off halfway through warming up the next batch of pasties and shit. By this time, the queue is outside the door, and everyone is pretty much staring at her in amazement. Entertainment!

Anyway, after collecting herself, she managed to scrape the shit off the pan. I didn't really know what to do, so I just stood there like a plum, expecting to be told that I could take another one from the shelf. Nah. The fat bird places the topping/mess that's at the end of her cake shovel and puts it in one bag, picks up the charred-to-infinity breadstick from the pan, and puts that in another. She then places it on the counter, and looks at me.

"One pound thirty, please."

I look at the bag and go "Uhhh...can I just get a chicken bake instead, please?" It was as this time the people previous to me in the queue basically exploded and the geezer was nearly on the floor with laughter.

What a fucking story that was. I've gave you the benefit of hearing it before my grandkids, so you better of fucking enjoyed it.

Good read, will read again.