Two unemployed Irishmen walking along the street

firky · Post by **firky** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:50 pm

One of them spots a sign, "tree fellers needed" he reads out loud. "Aye, pity there's there's only the two of us" remarks his friend.

Coppola · Post by **Coppola** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:54 pm

firky · Post by **firky** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:55 pm

Two ducks crossing the road in Armagh. The one at the back goes " Quack, quack". The other one turns round and says, " Fer fcks sake, I'm going as quack as I can."

.onelove. · Post by **.onelove.** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:56 pm

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, 'Why the long face?'.

'Cancer.' The horse replies.

drokkr · Post by **drokkr** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:09 pm

This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through.
She screams, "You fucking asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a pedophile!"
The man responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for a 12 year old."

firky · Post by **firky** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:21 pm

section5 wrote:Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

You win, that is truly awful

casso · Post by **casso** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:34 pm

Why did the monkey get lost?

Cos Jungle is massive.

Pistonsbeneath · Post by **Pistonsbeneath** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:47 pm

why do women wear makeup and perfume?

because they're ugly and they stink

miscreant · Post by **miscreant** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 6:22 pm

Piston wrote:why do women wear makeup and perfume?

because they're ugly and they stink

lols

collige · Post by **collige** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:16 pm

So a baby seal walks into a club.....

That's it.

karmacazee · Post by **karmacazee** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:26 pm

What's got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

firky · Post by **firky** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:42 pm

Karmacazee wrote:What's got two legs and bleeds?

::g-sus:: · Post by **::g-sus::** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:58 pm

Michael Jackson passed away at 2:10pm... which is ironically when the big hand touches the little hand.

::g-sus:: · Post by **::g-sus::** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:25 pm

Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure. It's a great house .'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND: 'No... I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?'

HUSBAND: 'Yes. Those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?'

HUSBAND: 'No. She's left-handed.'

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: ' . . .. . Shit.'

limb · Post by **limb** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:31 pm

Why is the grass always greener in Ireland?

cause they're all over here walking on ours,

(vintage racism, I'd like to point out all my family are Irish, so I'm allowed)

cityzen · Post by **cityzen** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:00 pm

HamCrescendo · Post by **HamCrescendo** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:12 pm

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

--

R Kelly.

Taking the art out of rap artist.

Two unemployed Irishmen walking along the street

Two unemployed Irishmen walking along the street

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